Y2KRAP From Vth…


From Vther Pendragon of Briton: Most noble and goodly Network, a plague on Phlegm of Discontent for his chronological ignorance! Is he such a fool in this matter that he does not know that the year attributed to the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Julian/Gregorian calendar — which is actually wrong by about 30 years — was marked not as zero but as one, making the year that marks the second millennium after His coming not 2000 but 2001? Net: Lissen, this entire argument is based on the decision of some ancient jackass who one day up and decided that Year Whatever was going to be Year One. For what it’s worth, we here in Networkia choose to rise above said ingrates and celebrate the hell outta the end of the 1900s, regardless of what the friggin’ mathematicians have to say about it. If I am curt, I apologize. However, I cannot fathom how one can look at a watch, calendar or any other such instrument and know so little about the information it conveys. Granted, from what I see, Phlegm is as good a regular as any that live, but in this respect I must correct him. It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy the prospect of raising arms against the local chemist in a naught-induced fever, and just because the third millennium is a year off doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start getting everything in order now. I’m sure Phlegm and his entourage of super-apes have been in preparation for eons, and all this knowledge will give him is time to refine his ungodly plan, whatever it may be. Net: We believe he has a prequel to “Planet of the Apes” in mind. Sorry to deflate your image of your beloved paramour, ‘Diva, but it’s beyond my realm of comprehension how anyone can be swayed by a row of three zeros. Net: If you ask us, it’ll be much more exciting when our Impala rolls over from 199,999 to 200,000, and the excitement figures to last just as long. Let’s just hope the world can hang on a little bit longer than the ol’ Chev.


From Always Angry About Something: While pondering all of the idiots who I am angry at, I had a thought. Net: Need a towel? What makes a good TA? Is there such a thing? Net: Repeated absences. There better be, because I am one. I was hoping that the readers of this fine forum could enlighten me and other TAs as to likes and dislikes of their TAs. Net: Asking Networkians to put forth a coherent thought is like expecting a tipped cow to chase your ass down and crush you in a heap of manure: It might make for an interesting time, but you know deep down it would never happen. I thought this could be an interesting topic. Sorry I am not pissy today.


From SeePee: Hello, Fishnet-work, I have been reading the comments of these “Networkians,” and I have a few things to add, Net: In this area once was some drivel about the overrated/underrated bands debate, which is now as dry and unwieldy as Chuck Woolery’s pancake makeup, which brings us to the next topic, The Gophers Hockey Band. For six regular season games now, Chris Jericho has seen the once proud, mighty hockey band slip into a G-rated, craptapular band. They no longer will lead the “penalty” cheer. Net: Frankly, if it’s not-so-lucky Lucia’s doing, he’s gotta go. We simply cannot have this. They no longer jeer at the other teams with all the Jericholics in the student section. Unrelated to the band (I think), Goldie (your favorite Gopher and mine) Net: Actually, we prefer Goldy, because he’s the one who’s actually at the hockey games. You can tell by the eyelashes isn’t allowed to slide down the stairs on his sled any more. What’s up with that? My once magnificent, “cable TV-type” atmosphere has become “T.G.I.F” with the Olsen twins. Oh, great Hockeynet-work, what has happened to my utopia? Net: That’s a question we can’t ask. Wooger’s probably looking for something to do, though. Call him up. I can only ask my student section Jericholics out there to start calling and complaining to Mariucci. Request that the hockey band starts doing the penalty chant (and play “Louie, Louie”) for Y2J and the rest of the student section. Let Goldie start sliding again! Ta-ta for now.


From Tiggs: Wow, today I truly feel a part of this University. Well, at least a part of the important stuff. Net: You mean buffets at the Chinese places? I never thought the day would come where the mighty Net would be asking for me. When Net asks, the Net receives. Net: Our Christmas list is in the mail. I have been truly honored by being mentioned alongside the greats Rolla and Phlegm. Not PeeWee though; he sucks. Obi is still a bit of a newcomer, but he is learning quickly. I’ll go into my story soon enough, but first I must respond to SJ. Of course Minnesota is full of hockey players. What would this state be without hockey? Net: A cold Omaha? All that would be left from this state would be Tiggs, the Net and Craig Kilborn. Net: And that, of course, is too much pretension for one state. Two of the three Mighty Ducks movies were filmed here. Granted that isn’t saying much except that we play lots of hockey. Hockey kicks ass; if you don’t like it go to Wisconsin where hockey is but a figment of the imagination Net: And sits atop the mythical standings as well. As a side note, I have no problem with Lucia’s Canadians as long as they kick ass. If they don’t kick ass, they must be deported. Net: Think ol’ Basil McRae has any eligibility left? Anyway, on to my story. Old Tiggsy has been busy lately. I’ve been an active member of the 3YM. I regret I must retire from 3YM soon, but not before one last blaze of glory in El Paso. And those of you who are not familiar with the 3YM can suck it! Net: It’s tough to suck what you cannot see. Unless you’re a drunk sorority girl. I have also been spending time hiding in my Tiggsy Cave working on a top-secret project. I am attempting to create life using only a used piece of Hubba Bubba, a piece of string and a book of matches. Net: Hint: Sneak in some saliva and you might have something. My biology TA promised me an A if I succeed. Other than that, my time has been spent failing the rest of my classes. A lot of you out there probably know how hard it is. Alas, the time has come for me to return to my tasks. Until we meet again …