Dr. Date: The IT Dude, Persistent, Big Mouth, Robo

>Dr Date,

So, I read about SluttyGal‘s problem on Friday and I must say that I’m perplexed. Hey girl, just come to the IT floor in Frontier sometime and you’ll see that we don’t all reek like Captain Morgan and Axe … in fact we are usually too busy doing homework or assembling our own electrolysis kits to drink all the time. (Only some of the time). Or how about this?

Are you really that unattractive that you can’t attract non-drunk guys? Come on. Hit up the Rec Center sometime and start washing your face. You’d be amazed at what that can do. Another point: Maybe you need to try having some self respect. No one wants to do a girl who they think is easy. Besides, with that approach even if you don’t get laid, you’ll at least know you’re not some stupid slut … oh wait.

– The IT Dude

Dear IT Dude,

I happen to like wearing Axe (I’d swear here but my boss here at Boynton Health Service wouldn’t approve) and trust me, the nurses love licking it off me. Plus, maybe after this endorsement I’ll get a free box on my doorstep. Score.

But seriously, is this how IT dudes talk to each other? No wonder you all stare at computer screens all day or drool over anything related to Yoda or hobbits. That’s somebody who REALLY needs to worry about washing his face.

In reality, you do have some good points. Maybe you should become my copycat.

WheeÖ

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Well this is how my story goes. I am an Asian Indian and just been in U.S. for two years. I like this girl from work. She works with the Office for all her Summer and Winter breaks. So that’s the only time I see her or talk to her. I don’t have the guys to ask for her number or ask her out, ’cause I don’t know how things here are done.

Well, would I freak her out if I ask for her number or ask her out? Should I even ask for it or should I wait for her to give it to me? She is single, blonde, great, I mean, great looking, awesome personality, perfect to have a long-term relationship with.

She comes from a really rich family, but I don’t think that would be a problem. The thing is, I don’t now what the outlook in the U.S. is, about Indian dudes, whether girls are interested in them for relationships.

When she used to work with us, we used to go out for long lunches, walks, we’d even drive to downtown Minneapolis on Thursdays and shop at the Farmer’s market.

I had some really good times with her, but now I wish I could at least be really good friends with her if not more.

I need advice about this badly. How can I give her a hint that I am into her, I have no clue. I will be waiting for a reply. Hey if you are free and single why don’t we go out? Just kidding.

Take it easy and thanks for taking time to read this. I appreciate it a lot.

Persistent

Dear Persistent,

It’s really tough to tell how she feels about dating across cultures. For some, it’s great. For others, there’s no way.

Until you learn differently, you must assume it’s fine.

It seems as if you actually have a chance here. In most situations like this, the crushee doesn’t even know the crusher’s name.

We need to use your good times together to your advantage. She already knows you’re a good guy, after all, and you like spending time with her. All you have to do is remind her.

Next time you see her, start small. Small talk can ease your nerves and build the good vibes. Show your confidence and detail what POSITIVE things are going on in your life. Girls like the good stuff – not stories about how you puked in the ladies room at Stub & Herbs or how you lost a bet and had to kiss Michael Bauer. EwwwÖ

Then, pop the question. Set up a time to “relive” one of your good moments together. It’s not like marriage; she should be able to handle it.

If she gives you the chance, write in again because I’m not going to coach the next 3 months of your life in one column. Good luck!

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have been dating my girlfriend for two years now and up until about a month ago everything was perfect. We started dating a month into our freshman year. We barely argued, we knew everything about the other person, we spent all out time together, it was great.

However, lately I have been feeling like if we stay together, I will miss out on seeing what else college has to offer in terms of relationships. It comes down to the fact that I know I love her, but I don’t know if it is the kind of love that leads to a greater relationship.

Because I have never even dated another woman at college, all I know is her and alls she has ever known is me. She says, “Why ruin a great thing?” and I can’t come up with an answer.

What should we do?

Big Mouth

Dear Big Mouth,

I hope you got that nickname from her, big guy. If other girls are looking good when you’re 21, even Goldy Gopher is gonna be looking like Carmen Electra in approximately 20 years.

Suppressing feelings now will only haunt you in the end. After being together for so long, it’s likely she’s having similar thoughts about whether it’s forever or if it’s only today.

Take a break and get this out of your system before you wreck her life and your children, like when you have your mid-life crisis and have to drop $35 million for a new football stadium to feel cool again.

Whatever you decide, stick with it. And if you want to get back together, don’t do it unless you’re ready to buy diamonds.

She can probably do better than you, anyway.

Dr. Date

Yo Dr. Date,

I am a Russian guy with a gigantic problem. That is the problem. I decided to get hooked-up with an American gal the other night (usually I don’t like to get hooked up with American chicks) and everything was fine till we got to my place. The girl was totally into me but when we began to get things on fire, she was afraid of it cause it was too gigantic. At least that’s what she yeald when she got the full view. She refused my nice, big, buddy!!! Is that normal for a girl to react like that??? I mean this is my first experience of not getting any because it too big. Is there some pill to shrinkitize it a little bit?? If so, tell me so I don’t get burned the next time with an American chick! Thanks.

Robo

Dear Robo,

I do penile reductions on a regular basis. I’ve got this friend in prosthetics who developed a tool like a carrot peeler for humans that I can use to shred strips off your Gigantor.

It’s quite nifty, really. Once you show your lovely what you were willing to part with, she’ll be begging for it. Please come in immediately and I’ll give you the chop chop.

Dr. Date