Net: A quick Network reader and writer note: Find other ways to emphasize particular statements instead of placing approximately 20 to 100 exclamation marks after them. Generally, if we feel up to it, we attempt to remove them from the letter for space-saving reasons. “You suck!” is just as powerful a statement as “You suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Got it???????????????? Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOMENAREBEAUTIFUL
From SlappyMcSlapFatNUts: PopeJohnPaullll has to be the most ignorant person that ever existed. I think you are a disgrace to all of the men in the world. Net: How do you know that letter was written by a man? Boys like you are the reason why people think they are so stupid. I know that the only reason why you talk about women in this way is because you want them to be stupid. Women would have to be dumb as a doornail to do anything for you. Here is a haiku:
Boys only think about Net: 6 syllables does little to help bolster your argument
The size of their penises
Act tuff to hide it
So there! Net: Ouch Á
From girls who don’t like dickless men: To PopeJohnPaulll: First of all I’d like to say NUT you to the bastard who wrote the article on women being useless. This guy is the exact kind of guy I imagine never getting it up in the bedroom. Net: You mean he actually gets to the bedroom? Can we remind you about the statistics on women entering the work force in men’s positions? Net: Missionary? Or doggy-style? Get a clue you nimrod! They have colleges for you. They are called clown colleges. That’s about as far as you could get with your attitude. Net: Clowns are truly, truly evil Good luck ever getting happiness in a relationship. Cuz I know for a fact you’ll never get married. You wouldn’t be here if your mother didn’t have you. And in case you didn’t know she’s a WOMAN! Net: *Gasp* Lies! Damned lies! What do you think she’d say if she read your entry, you asshole! Get a life!
NERDSONPARADE!
From 2Gutless2GiveAName: Yo Net, seems like the numb-nuts in CLA are ragging on my IT posse again. I took a little poll in my calc. class to see if Abbey‘s ass-umptions were correct. Now, it was an honors class, so you’d think that we would put the institutional back into Institute of Technology, but no one was wearing black jeans (one kid was wearing black socks with Airwalks, but I think he’s PSEO, Net: Did he have a high school letter jacket with only Knowledge Bowl and honor roll patches? so he doesn’t count yet), the only one with an X-files shirt was the girl, Net: Or so she seemed! BOO DOOO DOOO BU DOO DOO [X-files theme] and although the front row had a passing resemblance to the skinny fast-food guy, not a soul had the laptop gut (a beer belly so big you can play Everquest while waiting to enter the Star Trek convention Net: Hey, if you can camp the Ghoulbane in Upper Guk while waiting for Shatner to embarrass himself, go for it) of the comic book nerd. And where the hell is Shinder’s? As for tickling Elmo six times a day, well, honey, you really ought to experience what that does to a man’s endurance and reload time. Net: HOO-AH! I know the freshman bimbos I’ve nailed (sheep-raped) like it.
From ITStudentDogcow: Abbey Someone‘s generalizations of IT students are extremely offensive to me. Net: All generalizing is fun Have you ever even met an IT student? NO. You are too stupid to even understand what IT students do. I am not a fat ass like the comic book store guy on the Simpsons. I wear Old Navy pants like the masses, Net: A HA HA HA HA HA HA Á with a pretty little tech vest too, maybe some performance fleece? not Wranglers. I watch MTV shows, not Sci-Fi shows. I’m not a masturbating freak, in fact I’ve turned down sex, Net: Because it was strange and confusing? including threesomes (with really hot girls! Net: Your mom is not hot, ifyouknowwhatwe’resayin’), on several occasions. The only remark you’ve made that’s true is that I eat at the Old Country Buffet a tad too much. Now going back to the Simpsons: I may not be as cool as Homer, but I’m at least on par with Lenny. Later, Net.
From The Mule: Ho, Network! Net: Bitch, Mule! It’s been a while. I’ve been busy learning how to isomorphically transform arbitrary sets into abelian groups, Net: IN BED? if you know what I mean. Once again, however, has this champion of justice and all that is right in the IT world been called upon to answer a challenge. This time, Abbey Someone has assaulted my fellow men of IT. A line must be drawn! This far, no further!
1. We don’t *all* look like the comic book store guy from the Simpsons. Most of us actually look like the fast food guy from the Simpsons. Net: We were thinking more of Ralph Wiggum
2. Though I may be wearing unfaded black Wranglers as I type this very message, I’ll have you know my other pants are Dockers(tm). Net: Are they black and unfaded too?
3. So’s your mom!
4. The only game we play around here more than 5 times a day is Counterstrike, Net: We bet you all are a bunch of AWP whores or sometimes 500, Net: Beats per minute? if you know what I mean.
5. Why would we spend time near other people when we could be at our computers, improving our anti-social skills?
It is unknown at this point from what college Abbey Someone hails, but rest assured, when I and/or my league of minions discover this, we will declare unending war on her college. Net: The University of Minnesota, perhaps? For now, I will be content to simply tear our her entry, burn it, invent a machine to burn things that have already been burned, and then burn that machine and the article together. Ciao. Net: Auf Weidersehen! Stadtbummeln! Mondfahrtzug! Gut! Popo! Idee! Panzer! Es tut mir leid! [All horribly mispelled and we sincerely, sincerely apologize]
