You are the greatest person alive

Love yourself. Embrace yourself. Kiss your reflection in the mirror. You are God’s gift to humanity. Life revolves around you, and you deserve to be your one and only concern.
If you’re an egotistical bastard and you know it, clap your hands, and join in the fun and games. Ego has been unfairly and incorrectly categorized as a human folly far too long.
People live their entire lives unaware of the benefits and rewards the ego can bring. Now is the time to set the record straight. The glory of egotistical living must be exalted and defended.
Do you drag yourself out of bed, dreading the mundane and monotonous day ahead of you? Do you fear that your unilluminating self brightens a room when you leave? Introduce ego into your life, and you will transform your average self into an electrifying star. Pizzazz and excitement will suddenly infuse your personality. Living with yourself will become a constant, euphoric high unmatched by any drug.
Puritanical people might preach that your ego is annoying, selfish and disgusting. Don’t listen to them. If everyone followed their rules, we would be living in a society of self-righteous humility and modesty. Who wants to be a part of that boring and hypocritical crowd?
Some might argue that humility is the best way to show off, but I don’t care to support the logo, “be modest and be proud of it.” I say to hell with humility. If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, then riddle them with bullets and spare our world one more pious fool. Besides, what humble person has ever forwarded the progress of humankind?
Analyze any famous or influential person in history, whether he is a world leader, super model, Pulitzer prize-winning author, astrophysicist, company chief executive officer or violinist. These people lead highly visible and successful lives, and their careers impact the world and often improve our future.
Yet are they humble? Do they display a noticeable lack of ego? No way! Their egos could cast shadows over small countries. They’re worth celebrating, and they know it.
Common misconception asserts that great people are egotistical because they’re great. Faulty logic! Backward reasoning! Great people become great because they’re egotistical — not the other way around. You must have the ego before you achieve the success.
Egotistical people convince themselves they are the world’s greatest untapped natural resources and lead their lives accordingly. Realizing that no one can appreciate their exceptional points better than themselves, they tirelessly advertise their excellence. Someone has to expose their merit, and they take on the task whole-heartedly.
Without an ego, they wouldn’t be motivated to strive for their much-deserved recognition, nor would they be able to convince others of their worth. If they alone couldn’t muster up enough enthusiasm for their mighty abilities, who else could? Never rely on another person to appreciate your full worth. Only you and your ego can do that.
Along with ego comes self-confidence, self-assurance and determination. If you’re self-confident, people scurry at your beck and call and praise you during luncheons. If you’re self-assured, you stride down halls, and crowds part before you like the legendary Red Sea. And if you’re determined, you flatten all opposition as effectively as a steamroller over a glob of gum.
In a nutshell, ego equals professional success.
This is not to say that ego is strictly reserved for the professional world. The ensuing self-confidence can also enhance your personal charm and add to your sex appeal.
If you’re egotistical, you’ll be bombarded with relationship opportunities — a situation completely justifiable. After all, who wouldn’t love to bask in your aura of greatness? There would be no decent choice other than benevolently granting another person the honor of being your significant other.
No doubt you’ve heard the proverb, “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love others.” If you’re egotistical, the question of self-love never even comes up. You’re constantly experiencing the purest of loves — the love for yourself. With self-love completely accounted for, you’re in perfect form to begin loving someone else.
Another proverb encourages you to love others as much as you love yourself. Again, ego only enhances the situation. If you love yourself so fully and so absolutely, the amount of love you could bestow on another person is more than most people will ever experience with their entire extended families.
Imagine what an ideal world we would live in if everyone were tickled pink with who they were. Jealousy, hatred, cattiness — all these emotions stem from a lack of self-confidence and ego and would be no more. No one would feel threatened by anyone else. There would be no competition if everyone assumed he would be the foregone winner.
Blinded by their own brilliance, people would rarely notice others’ faults and, being self-absorbed, would never talk about anyone else. Granted, conversations might be annoyingly one-sided, but at least gossip would become unfashionable. Who would want to hear about someone else when they could learn about your own engrossing life?
Humility and meekness are overrated. If you’re waiting to inherit the earth, realize that egotists tend to live long lives and reproduce many times over. You’ll be waiting your meek life away.
Instead, join the party and revel in your own radiance. Don’t try to hide your ego as you watch the other egotists have all the fun. Be proud of your big ego. With time it could grow bigger than anyone else’s.

Samantha Pace’s column appears alternate Mondays. She welcomes comments at [email protected]