What I learned by watching movies

I want Kevin Costner to mutate; maybe he’d make better movies.

In today’s stressful world, a movie can be a two-hour vacation. Moreover, movies have become intellectual media. Sadly, Hollywood abuses this modern tendency.

Michael Moore uses film as his personal propaganda medium as Leni Riefenstahl used film for Adolf Hitler. But fake documentaries aren’t nearly the worst of it. Even movies that are supposed to be entertaining are delivering a strong liberal message.

So, after great thought, and way too much time on my hands, I put what I learned watching movies to paper: I learned from “Dave” that economists are wrong, there is not a natural unemployment rate and no one should ever be unemployed. “American President” taught me that I’m a security risk to the United States for owning a handgun. Too bad there isn’t a movie that shows light rail has killed more people than my handgun. “The Siege” showed me that military people such as my dad are power-hungry madmen. From the classic “Waterworld,” I learned that global warming would make Kevin Costner a mutant. This has tainted my judgment ever since. I want Costner to mutate; maybe he’d make better movies. If global warming can help that process along, so be it.

Many films have that liberal environmental message. The message of the 1972 Sam Elliot film “Frogs” is simple: Frogs are evil overlords that use other animals as slave labor in their imperialist war against the humans. I thank the French for doing the one thing they do right, eating those critters.

“Frogs” seems almost rational in the comparison to the 1977 thriller “Day of the Animals.” In “Frogs” the animals rise up against mankind. In “Day of the Animals” mountain creatures, recovering from extreme ultraviolet exposure, go crazy and attack humans. The movie even claims that the events could be a possible consequence of the ozone hole.

It’s a great movie. The animals, in their UV fried-brain craziness, don’t think to attack each other. They just attack people. It’d be a good movie if the animals decided to attack each other. They do that every day. I doubt Leslie Nielsen keeps this one on his resume. Another relatively mainstream movie in its day was “The China Syndrome,” with Jack Lemmon. This flick taught me that if you’re going to go crazy, do it at a nuclear facility. Nuclear facilities are really nuclear bombs in waiting, and you can get lots of press.

Finally, “The Day After Tomorrow” taught two valuable lessons. First, global warming will cause an ice age, so we should flood Earth with even more greenhouse gases to recover from the ice age quicker. Second, Vice President Dick Cheney would be a great Mexican czar.

If you’re really interested in how healthy the environment is, I recommend Bjorn Lomborg’s “The Skeptical Environmentalist” and to visit CFACT.org. The site has been battling environmental lies for years and continues battling the left’s environmental myths.

I can only hope Hollywood stops using entertainment media as a propaganda tool. Many conservatives gave up on movies, I was one of them. I didn’t watch any movies from 1999 until approximately 2002. I started watching them again and I enjoy movies, so it’s not a problem. However, the liberal domination of Hollywood needs to end. Thanks to Moore, a new class of conservative filmmakers is entering the marketplace. If you have a chance, go see “Michael Moore Hates America” or any of the other films coming out. Who knows, you might learn something.

Marty Andrade welcomes comments at [email protected]