Dear Dr: Date,I…

Dear Dr: Date,
I’ve been married for six years and have not had sex with my wife in over four years. Should I leave her or find a mistress? We have two daughters, ages six and four. I’m afraid if we get a divorce the girls will suffer.
— Need help bad

I don’t think either solution will solve your problem, friend. There is no possible way for me to give you an answer. It has to come from inside of you after doing some careful introspective study on your situation. I can help a little by giving you a few things to think about, though. It’s very common for married couples to experience a decrease in sex drive after they’ve been married for a few years. This becomes even more apparent once children arrive on the scene. The trials of a young marriage can weigh heavily on your mind and soul, which in turn will definitely slow down your desire to have sex.
If you are just starting a new career, buying a house, raising kids or trying to finish school, then I might take a look at those things first. This woman you share your life and love with is very close to you both physically and emotionally. It’s very easy to let the other stresses in your life manifest themselves in awkward feelings about yourself and/or your spouse.
I still find four years to be a bit odd. Never let anyone tell you how many times you should have sex in a week or a year. You, however, do seem worried about it. Sometimes the solutions are right in front of our eyes, but we’ve told ourselves it’s just too hard to pull them off. In cases like this, it makes sense to look for easy solutions such as having an affair with another woman.
Leaving won’t help either. There are two things you should never do when you are desperate: drink and leave. Face the situation head on and solve this thing.
Almost all problems can be solved by simple everyday communication. If you are stressed out, tell your wife why. If you get angry about something, tell her. At this point, you have so much talking to do, I’d seek the help of a therapist before you throw in the towel.