Network: Dissapointed Football Fan; Suggestion Box; Let’s Start a Riot; Real Fraternity Men

>Gopher Football Needs Some Change. Yo Net, does anyone else think that Gophers football is on a downfall like every year? Net: Everyone who hasn’t been living in a cave. And by cave we mean “Folwell Hall.” I was just watching the Michigan State game but had to turn it off after a yet another disappointing quarter. What’s with this slum of every year going 5-0, hyping up the games to only get our asses kicked time and time again. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing. Someone is to blame. Net: Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida? Is it Mason, I can tell he does some terrible play calling. Who calls a pass play with 4th and 2, the game on the line, and the nation’s 2nd best run offense? Net: Saddam Hussein? Is it the defense coordinators, why are we always playing zone so that every run goes for 15 yards or every screen is free to go downtown? Net: Weapons of mass destruction? Tackling is another subject; Lloyd has missed a million tackles on returns this year along with the special team which can’t block or tackle. Why can a team with so much talent fail time and time again? Net: They come from a place of light. Something needs to be done and if it requires getting some new personal then I say go for it. Look at the Little Brown Jug which hasn’t been in our position now for 16 years, why don’t we just give it back to them. Honestly how may more years are we going to settle for another Gaylord Hotel’s Bowl? Net: Until the war on terror is won.

From Suggestion Box

Deja vu the gophers lost to both michigans again! Looks like we can kiss the rose bowl good bye again. Net: D’jya think? It seems like we need to take drastic action for us to re-visit the glory days of the 18 conference championships. I suggest giving goldy the pink slip because of the ferocity he lacks. The Big Ten is home to Badgers, Spartans, Wolverines, Lions, Wildcats and a GOPHER!!?? Net: Hey, at least we’re not represented by a friggin’ plant. Goldy is lucky that he hasnt been eaten yet or that he hasnt been gangbanged by his conniving collegues. Fire Goldy, and we’ll be able to drink outta the brown jug again. Net: Harsh words as our mascot competes against his collegial mascot colleagues.

From Let’s Start A Riot

If people can bitch about bikelocks, I can bitch about my day at work the other day. Net: Don’t let us stop you. Just for some background info: This girl came in a couple weekends ago and took down chairs so she could park her ass in a section we had already closed for the night. So, we politely told her she was an idiot and I guess she has hated us ever since. Net: Well, wouldn’t anybody? Ok, so now it’s 2AM on Friday night and we’re about to close, she waltzes in with her bitch posse and asks for free loaves of bread, we would have to throw it away anyway, so giving it to her won’t really do any harm. Net: Are you sure we’re talking about a “girl” and not a “squirrel?” They do kinda rhyme you know. And you would think she would be appreciative, right? NO! she “accidentally” knocks a full cup of sprite on the floor and then has a jolly laughing fiesta with her friends. Net; Oh, the calumny! BitchTASTIC. What the NUTT did I ever do to her?! So, Net, what can we do about the bitches of the world? can they be salvaged as decent people? Net: Long answer: Yes with an “if”; short answer: No with a “but.”

From Real Fraternity Men

To the NUTTholes who stole our sign, Let us know when you grow some balls like real men. We’ll be waiting. Net: Do you hear that, NUTThole sign vandals? You are being entreated to produce more (or presumably larger) testicles. Are you up to the challenge?