Net: And now, for something completely different, we have …
From Deau: Hi Net! Net: Hi. While going through some old papers, I came across a poem that an old friend of mine wrote. I thought our campus could benefit from reading such great work! Here it is:
UntitledSome drink coffee, some drink popsNet: That’s soda to you, kid.
I like a drink made of barley and hops.This drink has a nice thick white headAnd when you finish one you can say, “That soldier’s dead.”After a few you’ll probably be grinnin’But if you drink too much your head’ll be spinnin’.After I drink around seven or eightI forget all my worries, and I feel great.Liquid courage is what some call this juiceCause when you drink it your hormones run loose.Parents may object and may beg and plead,But when they were our age, they were all smokin’ weed.I look at this drink as a very close friend,Cause it’s always there when a hard day ends.Nothin’ beats drinkin’ this stuff with the guysCause you know they’re having fun when you look in their eyes.So what is this drink I hold so close and so dear?You’re goddamn right, it’s a cold glass of BEER!Net: Thank you, Deau, for sharing your most intimate thoughts about this most social beverage. We’re sure it’s a fine representation of your most rapier-like wit and keen intellect. Any responses folks? Anyone moved to couplet a response? POETRY IS ALL AROUND YOU — send it to your friends. And at Network, that’s all of us. Have a nice day.
AN ODE FROM BILLIE JOE
From Billie Joe: In the spirit of spirit-lifting, I present to you a poem:
“Ode to Wisconsin Drivers”Attention Wisconsinites,Learn how to drive.It’s legal to goOver 45.You clog up the fast lane,While picking your ass,Listening to country,And talkin’ bout bass.Whenever a duck-tailed punkCuts me off in his clunker,There’s sure to be dairy platesOn that rusted-up junker.And as if being nimrodsWasn’t enough,You litter your carsWith Packer stuff.Little Packer flagsOn little Packer flagpoles,I’d like to shove blunt objectsUp your too-tight (Net: Insert Madlib here.)
I flip you the birdBut you never learn.So just go back where you came fromAnd never return!!!
Come on, people now! Net: Smile on your brother. … Get the hell outta my way! By the way, that “come on people now” was a gift, Network. Uh-oh. You have probably already concocted some clever witticism so as to destroy my scheme. Net: No, not really. We need to be motivated before the full force of our wit is made apparent. You have made me look the fool! Net: You didn’t need any help. I shall return, you bastards.