Dr. Date 4/30/2015

Dr. Date

Dr. Date,
 
My roommate is trying this extreme diet to lose weight really fast, and it’s only because she’s trying to catch the attention of this guy whom I see as a total loser. He’s made it known that he’s only into “skinny bitches,” so she’s eating next to nothing and exercising like a maniac. She’s a beautiful girl the way she is, and no matter how many times I try to tell her that, she doesn’t believe me.
 
Like I noted above, this guy is a jerk. He’s not worth her time, but for some reason she’s captivated by him. I’m at a loss here. In no way could I see them being happy together, and she really needs to move on. His messed up perceptions of women alone should serve as a sign for her to give him a capital “N-O,” but she still says she’s into him.
 
How can I make her realize that she shouldn’t change her appearance just for a guy and that this loser shouldn’t be a part of her life? It’s kind of a two-fold question, but I’m looking for any advice to get through with her.
 
—Bad Habits and Boys
 
 
Bad Habits and Boys,
 
Aside from appearance and self worth, another very serious issue here is your friend’s health.
 
Excessive exercising and a persistent decline in food intake are both signs of an eating disorder. Eating disorders can affect anyone, and their causes vary from stress to wanting to get some guy’s attention. 
 
The Emily Program — a University-based program for treatment of eating disorders — recommends planning meal-based activities, like going out to eat, being sensitive and firm with your roommate and complimenting her strengths that have nothing to do with her appearance or physical activity.
 
On another note, I hope this man learns to appreciate whole people some day, rather than just the way people appear, so that girls like your roommate aren’t undervalued and marginalized by him in the future.
 
—Dr. Date
 
 
Dr. Date,
 
My ex-girlfriend starting dating a guy in my friend group, and I’m completely hurt by it. We only recently broke up, so they must have started flirting when she and I were together. What the hell? Who does that? I don’t know what to do with all of my anger.
 
I’ve thought about confronting one of them, but I don’t want to make things more awkward. It’s already weird that I have to see her around at parties and when I’m hanging out with my friends, so I don’t want to make the situation worse. And I know he would totally deny and shy away from the situation, making it impossible to solve.
 
Granted, I was the one who broke up with her. I wasn’t feeling 100 percent invested in the relationship, and I thought it would be best for us both to end things. But now that I see her with him and the breakup finally feels real, I don’t know what to do with all of my emotions. Help?
 
—Anonymous
 
 
Anonymous,
 
Ever heard the song, “I Want You Back,” by the Jackson 5? It sums up your feelings pretty well.
 
When you split with someone, you’re giving the green light to anyone else who has interest in them. It sounds like what really upset you was how quickly things happened, and I do think you’re right to believe they may have been interested in each other before you officially broke things off.
 
But a breakup isn’t always the cause for that green light. If you were starting to feel less invested, your ex probably felt that too and looked elsewhere to find someone else who was more into her. 
 
It sounds like you made the right choice to break up, but you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t control anything that happens now. If you’re all willing to be friends, the awkwardness will eventually subside. And with enough time, something or someone will distract you from thinking about it at all. 
 
—Dr. Date