Dear Dr. Date,
Just over two years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of five years. Actually she turned me down when I proposed — I knew she was going to say no, but I asked anyway. After five years of commitment, I figured I should at least ask; I never wanted to regret not asking.
After our breakup, I went through the rebound period and started dating other women within a week. Even though I was just going through the motions, I decided I had to date new people. I was really a tyrant to the first couple of women I dated. However, I got better, and I got into a couple semi-serious relationships over the last couple of years, but nothing serious really developed.
I realized a couple of nights ago that I was lonely, I had gone almost 48 hours with out talking to another soul. It is a strange feeling, loneliness, and I did not like it. I am a successful individual, at least in my book. I own my own house, drive a newer car, have a good career, volunteer my free time to worthy causes and enjoy life to the fullest. Although I can run to the bar or the club and find a partner for the night, I would like to find a partner for life, and I really have no idea where to look. With work and class, I spend most of my time on or near campus. I have thought about the usual options — classmates, co-workers, friends, meeting at the Rec Center, etc. — but none of the young ladies I have met have appealed to me. Where else can I venture to meet slightly older (23- to 28-year-old) eligible women in the Twin Cities?
— Tired of Looking
Isn’t it funny how meaningless material junk can be if you don’t have someone to share it with? Your plight isn’t that unique and, despite what you are feeling right now, your situation isn’t that desperate, either.
You’re going through a change in your life, and all these lonely, wistful feelings you are experiencing are your soul’s way of telling you that you need to change. You are not going to meet people by staying in your house. You’ve got to keep going out, but try doing things you don’t normally do. Open up this week’s City Pages and scan the event calendar for a new activity that interests you. Even if the event turns out to be a dud, it will be good for you to get out and learn.
If you are sick of bars, then don’t go to bars for a while. There are many women in your same situation who are anxious to meet you. Keep searching, have fun, and stop trying to recreate what you had with your ex-sweetheart.