As you read this, I’m probably deep in the heart of Iowa’s grassy brown fields, bustling down Interstate 35W to get to my Thanksgiving destination. But I got to thinking how I’ve always wanted to discuss my highest of all, best, all-star, knock-’em-dead-every-time style stars. These are people for whom I’m thankful for, because without some of them, I would simply not have a job. Oh, how you’d all sufferÖ But alas, in no particular order:
1. Miss America. I love that every year a different person gets to hold this position, and despite all the “hairy-legged woman libers” who think this SCHOLARSHIP pageant is rooted in beauty, the women who get the privilege of holding this title are talented. Many of them hold graduate degrees or are pursuing education beyond a bachelor’s: think lawyers, doctors and Diane Sawyer. Let’s just say you won’t find this betch on any “Pageant Place” TV show, and certainly in no NYC bathrooms snorting cocaine.
2. Jackie Kennedy. Can we just go ahead and call her the most stylish first lady ever? This is a posthumous honor, but many of you wouldn’t be wearing the sunglasses you are without someone doing it first. And that person was Jackie Kennedy. Clad in the hottest paintsuits by Oleg Cassini and starting an entire hat trend on her own, Jackie O. was amazing and will continue to be referenced for eons to come as one of the most fashionable women ever to roam God’s great runway.
3. Sarah Jessica Parker. This woman has not aged very gracefully – what with those gnarled hands and feet and that big, hairy stepmother-ish mole. Why she hasn’t removed that beast is beyond me, but perhaps that’s what is the most stylish thing about her: She’s comfortable in her own skin. She’s not a trend whore, nor has she used loads of cosmetic surgery to freeze her aging. There’s something to be said in today’s entertainment industry for those precious few who choose not to be Joan Rivers’ or Cher’s lady-in-waitingÖ or should we say, lady-in-plastic? As a wise man once said, “The only people who’ll survive a nuclear war are Joan Rivers, Melissa Rivers and Cher.”
4. Cinderella. OK. I’m baffled by those few college students obsessed with Disney movies, but one is timeless: “Cinderella.” We all have a Cinderella story somewhere in our lineage, and besides, what’s better revenge than even greater successes? Nothing, and that’s precisely what happened to little Cindy, donning that glittery godmother-made gown and all. And she was done partying before midnight, even without a trip to the local McDonald’s. LuckyÖ. I woulda eaten that damn pumpkin and walked home.
5. My mom. All together now: awwwwww. I love her, and I’m sure you love yours, too. If you don’t, shame on you. The best thing about moms is their love transcends anything they wear. Dressed in scrubs or goofy holiday sweaters, mom will be there to welcome you home and erase any worries, any time. That’s really not what this multibillion-dollar business is about – inner beauty – but moms are exempt, forever and always. From the June Cleavers to the Mommy Dearests of the world, she’ll always be there to tell you you’re beautiful, and what is more style-boosting than a vote of confidence?
Voilà! I know everyone has their own style idols, so let me know if I left any particularly marvelous mavens off the list. Lastly, I hope you all get out for Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year. Word on the street is Old Navy is giving away FREE MP3 players with a $20-or-more purchase. I loathe Old Gravy, but I’m never above free ANYTHING. Happy shopping!
