Dr. Date,
My friend scored a great internship, and she’s hoping to work herself up the corporate ladder and land a full-time gig once she graduates in May. But I’m concerned with how she’s trying to do it. She’s joked about sleeping with her boss in the past, and lately I’ve been getting the feeling that she’s actually doing it.
There have been nights when I’ve texted her to hang out and she doesn’t respond. It’s sketchy. I’ve asked her about her relationship with her boss, and she always avoids the question. I’m pretty sure she’s doing something under the table to gain his “liking.”
She’s a really smart girl, and she shouldn’t have to resort to unethical practices to get what she wants in the workplace. It’s pretty nasty. Like I said, whenever I bring it up, she shies away from the issue. How can I help her understand that this is not OK and that there are better ways to move up in her career?
—Intern(al) Affairs
Show Me the Evidence,
Don’t make assumptions about your friend until you have proof. You could really hurt her feelings if you accuse her before you 100 percent know what’s going on.
But your concerns are valid. I simply advise you to be cautious when you address it.
Bring up the statement she made about sleeping with her boss. Let her know that you don’t agree with the scenario, and she doesn’t need to have sex for a good job. Remind her of her intelligence and talent.
But in the end, her behavior is her decision. Still, by reminding her of her capabilities, she may be less likely to undermine those abilities by taking less ethical routes.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
I’ve been texting this girl recently, and I don’t know what to make of our conversations. Sometimes she sends lengthy responses, while other times she doesn’t respond. Our back-and-forth communication is something I look forward to. I really like her.
We’re busy people, and so texting is one of the only ways we can get to know each other. I occasionally see her on the weekends, but other than that, we’re strictly talking through our phones.
I don’t mind it though because, like I said, I look forward to getting her messages. But how do I figure out if she feels the same way? Whenever we hang out, she seems to really like me, but then later on, I’ll get a message from her that’s only one or two words, and I’ll start to second guess myself.
When I talked to my friends about it, they told me I’m reading too far into it. What are your thoughts?
—Reading the Signs
Lost in Translation,
The digital age we live in makes dating complicated. It’s so much easier to read into facial expressions or body language than it is to decipher a text.
I think everyone has a different texting style. Some people are very involved and show every emotion through punctuation and emojis, while others may not respond at all. For those people, it’s harder to tell what they’re feeling.
Set aside time to think about how you two interact in-person, because that’s the best indicator of how she feels. Then, casually bring up texting with her. She might not even be conscious of her style.
—Dr. Date
