Dr. Date 7/1/2015

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,
 
I’ve been dating a good amount, I think. I’ve been at it at least a few times a month, maybe even twice a week if I’m feeling frisky. 
 
But for some reason, I feel lonelier than ever. 
 
That’s weird because in high school I didn’t date at all. I would like to blame it on my parents, but really they were more than supportive of the idea of my finding someone to pal around with, but it just didn’t happen.
 
I think that these feelings are preventing me from really pursuing a relationship because I’m not letting anyone in. 
 
How do I fix this? It seems like the nature of my problem is preventing me from pursuing the only solution I can think of.
 
—Melissa
 
Dear Melissa,
 
You know that old adage that you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else? Well, I don’t really buy into that cart and carriage, but I do think that you’ve got to get yourself out of the head space of needing a relationship to make you feel part of a community. I think this is really what your struggle comes down to.
 
I don’t know what most of your life consists of. I’m sure you have hobbies and interests. You’re in school and probably have a job or two as well. But just because you have the pieces doesn’t mean you’re able to see the board.
 
OK, that was a really overwrought analogy, but what I’m saying is that you might have a lot going on while still feeling like you don’t have that much going for you.
 
That’s never the case!
 
Right now, I think you might be thinking of yourself and your potential lovey buddy like two separate entities that are just running in parallel. Maybe if you share who you think you are — once you figure out who that is — that’ll open up a path where you can open up to the other stuff and create a real bond. 
 
—Dr. Date
 
 
Dear Dr. Date,
 
My girlfriend and I are going through a pregnancy scare right now. Or rather, she is. 
 
See, we’ve been dating for five years (since we were fifteen),  and we’ve been having sex for a little more than three years, but I’ve been keeping a huge secret from her for that entire time: I’m completely sterile.
 
I have a genetic abnormality that affects my muscular tissue slightly, and another effect of that condition is that I will never be able to have biological children.
It’s something that I struggle with for a lot of reasons, but chiefly because I’m an only child and I feel like I’m messing up because I won’t be able to continue my family past my generation.
 
I’m worried about telling my girlfriend about this because I’ve kept it a secret so long. It’s been like five days since she first feared she was pregnant, and I haven’t said anything. 
 
Help me out?
 
—Melissa
 
Dear Melissa,
 
Your situation is a tough one because you’re working through emotions that will always simmer around this subject, while at the same time trying to find a way to explain why you waited so long to reveal this truth about yourself. 
 
Your girlfriend must be a lovely person if you’ve been with her for so long, and I’m sure that when she sees how difficult it is for you to tell her about this, she’ll understand why you’ve taken so long to do so.
 
That being said, you need to alleviate her concerns as soon as possible. It must be torture for her to be in what I assume she views as a treacherous situation. Tell her that you love her, and tell her why it’s taken so long to get to this moment.
 
—Dr. Date