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Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

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The Minnesota Daily

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Network: NET’S ADVISE R; 4MoreYears

>Shut up or drink up. Net: Grow up or throw up. Your repetition is old and you’ve lost your edge. Net: You have no rep. and you never had an edge. You should slam a few before you start with your lame-ass comments, which are becoming few and not funny between. Net: Between what? Your ears? Plenty of space in there. What’s with all the “so you’re a sophomore” crap? Net: So, you’re a moron? And no dill smack, I’m not a sophomore. Net: But dill is our favorite flavor of smack. Try and be funny by calling me another grade level, I am sure you’ll laugh alone to that as well. Net: Laugh and Net laughs with you, whine and you whine with the College Campus Republigoons. I swear that in your writing we can tell when you’re looking around your cubicle for approval of this NUTT, like it’s written on your forearm, “Pause for pity laughter!” Net: Pity you’re such a schmuck. The only way these past Nets could be considered funny is if Flipper is writing them like my creeping suspicions are telling me he is. Net: Flip this, wanker. But I don’t feel like wasting my time on your lack of humor or insight, so let’s get down to business. Net: Which hole would you like us to stick it in? This campus needs to shut up about President George W. Bush’s election. Net: And if you don’t, Attorney General John Ashcroft will get you. It’s four NUTTing years. Net: Of misery. also THE NUTTIN MONKEY ACTUALLY WON THIS TIME – BY QUITE A BIT, so just shut up. Net: Quite a bit of electronic voting machine fraud, none of which can ever be proven because of the Republican-controlled technology. If you’re worried about the job market, go to grad school. Net: Your mom goes to grad school. If you’re in grad school, get your Ph.D.. Net: Sadly, that’s not an option for you. If you’re about to get your Ph.D., then you shouldn’t have a problem getting a job. Net: If you live in Bizzaro World, that is. I mean the real issue here is the fact that Alaska voted this election against legalizing recreational marijuana! Net: Yeah, but they also have one cop for every 50,000 square miles. WHAT!?! What the hell do those popsicle dicks have to lose by legalizing weed – I mean other than the whole tourism industry. Net: Huh? Whale-watching is probably twice as sweet stoned, am I right or am I right? Net: Ask any oyster. I’m right. Net: No, you’re not. I don’t think Doritos lobbied as hard as they should have there; maybe if Mountain Dew would have joined in the fight… Net: Don’t forget Nilla Wafers and A&W. Oh well, maybe Sen. John Kerry will run on a legalization ticket next time too. Net: Or, maybe you’ll grow a brain. Then he could have Ralph Nader’s votes as well. Net: He’s already got them.

P.S. Spell check said that dill smack is two words and that Prince needs to buy First Ave. again. Net: That’s probably true. It did! Net: Bite us.

From 4MoreYears

To all you lonely, pathetic, art loving, sandal wearing, tree hugging Sen. John Kerry lovers, President George W. Bush is here to stay! In what way would you actually think that Kerry could ever help the United States, he comes from the only state that legalizes gay marriage, and Ted Kennedy is the other senator; now that’s a state I want to take after. How good of a president would he make when he is one of the worst senators, missing more then half the votes in the Senate meetings, but once again, someone I would have wanted. If you liberals want change then leave because Bush will be here for four more years and if you don’t like, then shove it … up your butt, cause we don’t care. On one last note, Michael Moore can suck his own penis and lick his balls ’cause all his work destroying Bush’s reputation is gone. I know Michael, how about you make another movie on it, you fat ass, American hating, pile of NUTT!! Republicans forever! Net: Thanks for writing, Gov. Tim Pawlenty!

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