Network: Voice Of Treason; StraightEyeFromTheStraightGuy; Mr. Tibbs; bandbabe

>Hey (is for horses, sometimes cows, chickens don’t eat it ’cause they don’t know how) Networkia, we hope the ostrichlike among you have appreciated the dearth of partisan bickering over the last few columns. So you can quit yer whining about it, and go back to swilling your Coors Light and eating your Hungry Man dinners. Nothing to see here, move along.

From Voice Of Treason

Hello net, there are only two things that cause me to write in to you; the first bieng that I can piss someone off, ie the “whoose college is better” debate. The second reason is when someone says something so REDICULOUSLY STUPID that I have to yell “Arrggh” and grab my head and wait for the pain to subside. Net: There are only two things that cause us to mock you, Voice Of Treason: Atrocious spelling and poorly considered opinions. Bi-Eye for the Straight Gal, hats off to you; you have officialy lowered my IQ, as well as caused more than a few of my brain cells to take their own lives in the face of such arrogance and ignorance.

First things first … HOW THE NUTT DID YOU NUTTING THINK THAT WRITING IN ABOUT NUTTING SOCKS WAS NUTTING WORTH ANY OF OUR NUTTING TIME? Maybe you thought that since you are such a wonderful person you could enlighten us; well thats just fan-NUTTing-tastic. Now since you seem to know how to use a computer you must be one of the more intelligent females in your sorority house. Net: OK, seriously, the WHOLE FRIGGIN’ POINT OF THAT E-MAIL was that the entry was DIRECTED to girls FROM the point of view of a bisexual GUY! How stupid are you people? Have you even HEARD of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”?! It was one of the major pop-culture memes of the last two years! It was on the cover of every magazine; it popped up in every comedy routine; every TV critic commented on it. And it’s about gay MEN who criticize fashion! We even went so far as to correct PrettyInPink, who was also too stupid to pick up on these very obvious cultural cues. Why do we even bother? Which isn’t saying much. Oh, and by the way, your attempts at bieng funny fail miserably. Here is my plan for the dumb-ass inclined who belive they are intelligent: Get out of your sorority house, rip one or two of your limbs off, beat yourself with them and then proceed to NOT BE AN ARROGANT BITCH ANYMORE. And yes, I do have my own faults; I just needed to tell you about the log cabin in your eye before I took the plank out of my own. And that is all, class dismissed. Net: Right, well then, next time, please READ THE FRIGGIN’ COLUMN before you write in.

From StraightEyeFromTheStraightGuy

I think that a lot of girls really do look quite nice in pink clothing. Net: Oh, you would, wouldn’t you?

From Mr. Tibbs

His name is Mike. Net: Perhaps this entry requires further clarification. It arrived with the subject “What the NUTT is up with that guy outside of Smith who plays the guitar?!” It also included a link to a web version of a previously published profile of Mike the Guitarist from the august publication you are currently holding.

From bandbabe

I find it hard to believe that you think that marching band girls would date anyone in IT. Net: We find it hard to believe that even now, some Marching Band members are boinking like rabbits. But there you have it: Some very dubious things do in fact occur. For your information, band babes only date IT guys who are also in marching band. Net: Is it even possible to be that much of a geek? Jealous? Net: Nope, the price would simply be too high.