Net: Perhaps we sho…

Net: Perhaps we should designate Wednesdays as “Bitch at Your Ignorant Neighbor Day,” or something to that extent. It seems as though recent episodes of Network have lit the fire of comeuppance beneath the bottoms of so many. A sampling of their petty fodder for truly vacant discussion is included herein for your pleasure-provoking perusal …
EASY, SIMBA
To The Boy in the EE Bubble from Rubber Ducky: LOSER. Institute of Technology wannabe. You should be licking the boots of a socially useful major like myself. You see, Butt Boy, Chemical Engineering is the way to go. Net: Straight to geek hell, that is. Do you want to go to a real party instead of the LOSER parties comprised of other LOSER butt boys cut from the same mold as yourself? Net: Nah … we’d rather hang with the simple butt folk.
Perhaps you should find a lady. But as a LOSER, you’re probably having trouble. Feast your eyes on the following advertisement created just for you: Having girl problems? Can’t orchestrate the proper chemistry? Engineer your own woman. Just add sugar and spice and everything nice Net: Along with a pinch of spite and contemptuousness and maybe some really good-smelling lotion to a base of searing acid, bubbling through with bad-ass gas on a platinum catalyst. Use of gold will cause her to be a bit clingy, with an affinity for your wallet. Use of a reactor specially designed by Rubber Ducky will allow you to produce several women from the same batch; just periodically adjust the “spice” and “everything nice” factors and voila! Net: And then you could name her Lisa. And shower together. And then have a big party and scare off the bad-guy party crashers. Yes, Butt Head, you, too, can change your life now! Include socialization and lots of gratuitous sex in your repertoire! Be the dictator of your own nation of women! Net: Acquire myriad sexually transmitted diseases — all free of charge! For a mere four years of hell in the ChemE department of IT, you CAN be a winner. It sure beats freezing in a cage on Washington Avenue or silently developing cancer in the confines of
GET OUTTA THE WAY OF MY LITTLE RED CORVETTE
EE/CSci. Please send all offended responses to Network so I might be gleefully oblivious to your opinion while I get the University’s most useful degree.
To Scared Cyclist From Annoyed Driver: U say u almost got hit by a bus? Too Net: Don’t you mean “2”? bad it didn’t at least crush your bike with u safely watching in horror from the curb, of course. I am getting so sick of bikers whining about their close encounters with cars, buses, etc.
BOO HOO is all I have Net: 2 say. It’s so annoying being stuck behind a stupid biker who drives in the middle of Fourth Street during heavy traffic hours.
They are going about 5 mph and I cannot pass! Get the hell off the road and risk getting a ticket on the sidewalk! I guarantee it would be better than to risk hitting my beloved Pontiac. That would be a big mis
SCARED NO MORE
take!!! Net: We have a friend who used to cruise in a virtually indestructible maroon Bonneville. The Mighty Maggot Masher, we called it, and it carried us to many a memorable adventure. Skitching on the lake in winter, CB tag in summer. Ah, yes, our environs reek of nostalgia, and the scent is sweet.
From Scared Cyclist: This is in response to Screech, who wrote that I should get a ticket and that I should “learn where (I) should and shouldn’t be riding” my bike. Net: Just to catch everyone up … Should: On sidewalks. Shouldn’t: In sign language class.
For your information, bikes are legal on the transitway anywhere west of the Energy Park lights. Bikes are legal for two reasons: 1) The bike path is completely inadequate. Cyclists cannot access it from the west end without crossing oncoming traffic, and cars routinely cross in front of the path on the cross streets. In addition, cyclists must cross both lanes of the transitway from the north to the south side just west of the Energy Park lights. 2) Bicycles are street-legal vehicles in every state in the country Net: ‘Cept ol’ Miss, an’ we don’ need tell y’why, reckon? and are REQUIRED to ride in the street, except on interstates. Net: REQUIRED? As in FUHGEDD-ABOUDIT!? As in GETCHYA-DAMNASSOFFADAWALK!?
The University cannot ban bicycles from the transitway and has not done so. Try calling them yourself if you need proof. Oh, that’s right, you didn’t bother to do that. Net: We know you are, but what are we?
I am a staff member here, and I have commuted by bike for six years. Net: That’s a lotta saddle sores, Screech. Respect the sores. I am also a member of several bicycling committees, both on campus and at the state level. I know the rules much better than you because I have helped shape and enforce them. For example, I have helped lead a fight to ticket cyclists on the sidewalks, those who run red lights, as well as those who bike the wrong way in the campus bike lanes. Net: Well, heavens to Betsy, Cyc. We had no idea you were such an … activist! Rest easy, for you are among friends. By the way, you like monkeys?
DRUGS, SCHMUGS
You are wrong! I have every right to use the transitway, and all that I ask of the buses is to not try to run me off of the road for no reason. Net: They do have a reason: Points. I was traveling nearly 20 mph, I was not in the driver’s way and I was not swerving. The driver simply pulled beside me, slowed down and gradually angled toward the right curb. The next time you lecture someone on the rules, make sure that you know what they are. Net: So there.
To TR from TVC15: Hey. Get your facts straight. Net: FYI, Networkia prides itself on crooked facts and corrupt influences. Get that straight, pally. Rod Stewart did not make the statement about drug problems vs. police problems; Keith Richards said it. Net: Easy mistake. They both look like a couple of deflated tires. Dumbass. Net: Abrupt transition alert! Abrupt transition alert! Calling all grammarians! Calling all wordsmiths! Has anybody else noticed that Dr. Date has totally sucked this year? I feel like I’m reading Seventeen or YM or something. Net: Don’t knock those mags. That’s where we go for all the dirt on Jenny Love. It’s pathetic.