Dr. Date: Surrealist Dreamer; L.A. Confidential; Naive

>Dr. Date,

I must say that I was intrigued by your M.O.F. revolution and would like to shed light on it with my thoughts. You talked about the ratio, but dating and one-night stands should be discussed in regards to it, creating three points.

So, to present this theory, I have analyzed myself.

I have kissed nine women and had sex with four of them, putting me in a 4:9 ratio. I dated four women and was sexually active with two of them; I am currently dating a woman and am sexually active with her. I have had one one-night stand.

However taking these points into account is only the beginning. Analyzing who initiated the first kiss, first sexual encounter, whether these were a part of a relationship or not and their order, all shed light on understanding the theory. Five women kissed me, the last two were relationships. The sixth woman that kissed me initiated my first sexual relationship, we were in a relationship. I kissed the seventh woman, but she initiated the sexual relationship, we were in a relationship. The eighth woman initiated the sexual encounter before I kissed her, a one night stand. I am dating a woman that I kissed first, but she initiated the sexual relationship.

The background information is of importance as well; did I/they want to, did I/they push for something too fast, were either of us horny, were either of us desperate, was alcohol involved, how many times did we kiss and/or have sex; but these points get so complicated that the theory would lose potency because of lies or withholding of information.

Hope this can give your revolution some insight, and/or your readers some insight on their thought process in college in regards to dating.

Surrealist Dreamer

Dear Surrealist Dreamer,

These are all important angles to consider, but let’s try not to make the M.O.F. too complicated. At its simplest, your M.O.F. is 44 percent. Although one-night stands should be considered, I think it is something that evens itself out when you start comparing yourself with other people. After all, those statistics say something about you, too.

So, I think you should try to calculate the percentage chance that you will have a one-night stand with someone who kisses you, versus the percentage chance you will start a relationship with him or her.

It looks as though there is an 11 percent chance you will have a one-night stand with someone who kisses you. That speaks well for you.

Dr. Date

Dear Doc.,

I have a little situation. I have a little crush on this girl in my Spanish class. She’s very pretty, nice and thick and I find her very attractive. I find myself staring at her a lot. I can’t help it.

The problem is she’s always with her friends, so the opportunity for me to talk to her never presents itself. I have talked to her a COUPLE of times. She might think I’m shy, but I’m not. I’ve been exploring this cutie for awhile, but I am finally trapped in a nest.

What should I do, can you dig it?

Sincerely,

L.A Confidential

Dear L.A. Confidential,

Spanish is a language of passion. And passion is what you are lacking. The key to this girl’s heart is using some of that passion to surprise her. Here are some I recommend:

Tu bonitas. Quieres hacer los bebes conmigo?

Tu anatomia es muy correcta, no?

Tienes ojos como los lagos grandes.

Si estuviera ti, me amaria.

Eres dulce y muy picante.

Te voy a dar hasta por las orejas.

But in all seriousness, just talk to her. Ask her to coffee. Ask her for help with homework. It’ll work.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I am his first date and he is mine. I lost my virginity to him under the conditions that I would marry him.

So we exchanged expensive promise rings, talked about our future together, and convinced our relatives, friends, and neighbors we would marry. For two years I was so devoted to my boyfriend that I ignored everyone else (or

was annoyed when I spent time with other people).

He’s perfect (except when he played video games, like the guy who ignores his girlfriend playing poker online. But when I told him what you said he felt really bad and stopped).

In the last few months I’ve been developing horrifying feelings. My former devotion has escaped me and I wish I could date more than one person before getting married. I wouldn’t date anyone else because I think I could find someone better – I can’t imagine how anyone could be better.

All I want is the experience. And I probably will want to go back to him. Should I say something and risk horrifying him too or see if the feelings pass?

Naive

P.S. My M.O.F. is 100 percent unless you count the girl who kissed me when I was 10.

And in response to something I read a while ago: like the redhead, I don’t like when my belly button is touched either. Any pressure on my belly button is uncomfortable and has nothing to do with relationships.

Dear Naive,

You need to step back and take an objective look at your relationship with your boyfriend. I’m sure you’ve spent the better part of the last three years wrapped in his arms. Untangle yourself and see what is really happening.

You say your boyfriend is perfect. Is he really? If you have never dated anybody else, how do you know he’s the one for you? I’m not being overly cynical here; you just need to be a little more skeptical before devoting your life to this boy and ending up in a loveless marriage.

The 50 percent of people who get divorces also thought they had found the one.

You don’t say how old you are, but I would guess you are between 19 and 22. When you got to college, you probably wanted to find something steady right away. I think you’ve lost perspective.

I’m sure your boyfriend and you are 100 percent happy, but I think you’re looking for something new. There’s nothing wrong with that. You never know what you’ll find out there.

If you are meant to be, it’ll happen. If not, it’s good that you’re doing the soul searching now.

Dr. Date