UVA VA-VA Net: …

UVA VA-VA

Net: Thanks for all the help in solving the Latin mystery of “Uva.”

From Constantly Quote-Questioned Classicist: Ooh look, someone’s reading “Lonesome Dove.” I hate that book, mini-series, author, etc. Why? Because of this damn quote. It’s a misquote. Ovid (the great Roman poet) said UVA UVAM VIDENDO VARIA FIT, roughly “a grape, by seeing another grape, changes color (ripens).” Take that as you will.
As given in “Lonesome Dove” (VIVENDO) it makes no sense. I don’t know why.
Maybe the author is an idiot. Maybe the characters are supposed to be idiots. Maybe there’s more to the story than I know (not unlikely). One thing’s for sure. Soulcrusher has lousy taste in literature, and if I ever meet Larry McMurtry I’m going to punch him. Net: First of all, those are two things. And secondly, remember that misspelled words are not always the fault of authors. Once there was perfection, but after humankind sinned we were given copy editors. Sigh.

From Ram Hanumanthu: I’d direct Soulcrusher to the web page titled, “uva uvam vivendo varia fit: faq!” The address is http:// weber.u.washington.edu /~lwright/uvafaq.html.
You see, I too went to the U, but everything I know I learn on the Net. Net: And thus we will pray for your soul. Ave maria gratia plena …

MINNESOTA BIKING, PART …

To Huffy from Dr. Nick, I’m a Pepper: What kind of biker are you?! First, the whole slush guard thing — why? Why in the world do you need one more thing to break on your bike? Net: Evel Knievel wanna-be, probably. If you’re that worried about getting a few spots on your coat, you must be wearing Abercrombie & Fitch or something Net: Or maybe he’s a leopard, and doesn’t want to change, in which case you can stop reading now, because you’re a loser.
And how can you let low temps and a few falls stop you until spring? C’mon, slips and skids and the occasional grand fall-and-fly-and-slide are exciting bonuses to winter biking! Net: Yeah — and we roast weenies for the burns. We bet you’re really good at selling heroin. “Really — the come-downs are just part of the fun!” I do it on purpose all the time. Try riding into a soft, four-foot-high snow bank as fast as you can — it’s a lot more fun than skiing! (Hey, in the hell known as Minnesota, I have to amuse myself somehow in the eight months of winter.) You quitters are a disgrace, man.
And a quick note, while I’m on the bike subject, for all you idiots out there (which is 90 percent of the population around here): A bike lane is still a bike lane even if there’s snow on the ground — especially if there’s snow on the ground.
Why don’t you move your slow asses to where you’re supposed to be? Net: Slick spots that force you in front of cars? Just a thought … I still can’t figure out what’s so damn hard about staying out of the bike lanes. It’s a few feet in the middle of this spacious campus — you can find another place to walk! Consider yourself forewarned; I’ve begun my annual winter campaign of running over people who are in the bike lanes. Yeeeeehhaaaaaa!
LIKE, WE’RE BACK IN THE ’80s!

From Fashionably ’80s: I approach the resurgence of The Decade of The Go-Go’s with mixed feelings. Net: It’s beautiful, but somehow beaten. It was a good time to grow up Net: Unless you were caught in the skyrocketing child poverty rate of the Reagan years. TV was the babysitter Net: And precious formative moments were spent watching episodes of “Charles in Charge” and my parents, who had completely avoided ’60s culture, finally had a zeitgeist of normality to which they could claim allegiance.
I miss “Voltron,” “Thundercats,” “He-Man,” “Family Ties,” “The Cosby Show,” “Remington Steele,” “Happy Days,” “The Love Boat,” “Knight Rider,” “MacGyver,” “The A-Team,” “Airwolf,” “Cheers” and the myriad of other shows Net: Words of advice: Try getting cable, or a life — whichever is easier which kept me entertained if not completely pithed.
My little cousins, the so-called “Tiger Beat” generation, completely missed my “Sword of Omens, give me sight-beyond-sight!” reference. These same Tigerbeaters account for 99 percent of the popularity of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers a couple of years ago.
Coincidence? I think not.
What about music? The Cars. Net: Who drives us home now? Mike + the Mechanics. Net: In these living years. Huey Lewis and the News. Net: Workin’ for a living. Starship. Net: And nothin’s gonna stop us now. The Bears’ “Super Bowl Shuffle.” Net: ‘Cause we don’t mean to cause no trouble. The Boss. Net: In Atlantic City. Belinda Carlisle. Net: Where heaven is a place on earth. The Bangles. Net: And the people say “way-oh way-oh … “ Poison. Net: And give us something to believe in. Van Halen with David Lee Roth. Net: Like bein’ hot for teacher. Paul Simon doing “You Can Call Me Al.” Net: Or your long lost pal … Tiger Beat saw none of this. Net: And, sadly, it all made sense to us. Accordingly, they make bad musical decisions like Hanson, Spice Girls and LeAnn Rimes. Net: Right — we had Falco! Rock me AMADEUS AMADEUS AMADEUS!!!!!!!
Of course, if our favorite ’80s groups return, that means that Madonna and Wacko Jack-o Net: Now, are you talking about the guy who owns the Elephant Man’s bones, or the Australian rules football player in the Energizer commercial — didn’t he get his own TV show? Both ’80s icons. won’t be far behind. The decade it took us to kill their careers will be a complete waste.
And I don’t know what’s worse. Net: What’s worse is hanging out with NITWIT and realizing that you know entirely too many ’80s lyrics. We think we’ll go home, grab some Perrier, dream of our 2.1 kids as we loosen our skinny ties and go on and on and on like blisters in the sun. We bop, y’all! Later …