Net: We begin today, as we often do, with an apology. We received the following e-mail today:

Just a Tip lets you know what your friends think of you. Guess what? Someone has asked us to tell you that you have poor crotch hygiene. To see their specific comments and their recommendations we suggest you go to: view.asp?NotifyID=129770&Verify=414091

We sincerely apologize for those affected. You know who you are. Crotch hygiene is an important issue, one that should not be treated lightly. We have begun a strict regimen of cleansing our crotch-entity with turpentine, Epsom salts, Tabasco sauce and sand. Further bulletins as events warrant.


From Doc: To deftones: I, too, have longed for the perfect place to purge myself of the evils within me (that is, take a sh*t). I dream of a brightly-lit bathroom with high vaulted ceilings and marble floors and walls. Net: Sounds like the bathrooms in Grand Marc Each throne, if you will, sits on a little platform. The stalls are made of oak, with clever graffiti. It’s all clean. Most importantly, the toilets are capable for flushing small dogs or similar size objects. Net: You apparently eat Chipotle WAY too often Well, if that bathroom exists at the U, I have yet to find it. But the next best bathroom is in the basement of Lind Hall. The optimal time to go is late at night, like when you’re at the 24-hour computer lab. At any rate, the stalls are spacious, and at 1 or 2 a.m., they have been thoroughly cleaned. Being as Lind houses a good portion of the English department, the grafitti is more intelligent than what you might find elsewhere. Net: “Thoreau liked it doggy-style” And late at night, you are almost assured of having the whole thing to yourself. One of the most peaceful places on campus.

From Rawshapes: Nutwork … I felt obliged to respond to deftones urgent need to find a stimulating place to plop down on the can for about 30 minutes. Net: Solution: Drink a lot of beer. When you have the beer craps, any bathroom will do I was beginning to go through toilet withdrawal after Walter Library closed … as I would spend many a day Net: Dear god! in the downstairs bathroom, with complete peace of mind, and plenty-o-grafitti to keep me occupied. I have now found a new haven, and that is the Folwell Hall bathroom (naturally the last stall), across from the computer lab in the basement. It seems that the stall farthest away from the front door is always the most interesting … people seem to have more time to elaborate on their “naked lady” (or their 2 ft. cock) drawings on the walls. By the way, what’s the deal with all these dicks (usually with the ballsac as well) guys like to draw on bathroom walls? Net: With the Art Building a deadly death-trap, random campus bathrooms are the only place angst-filled and sexually-deprived young artists can ply their trade On a side note … I would like to say the Public Enemy Net: Does not play music well still can whoop the snot out of any soft/Limp Bizcrap/nutsuckingrock/rap hybrid group, that everyone seems to be flocking to.

From PAKman: Poop coming in a very distant second as one of my favorite topics Net: Urine? (after sex of course), I was enthralled upon reading the quest that the strapping young defecator known as deftones has set upon. In the spirit of his relentless search, I hereby declare the bathrooms in the Biomedical Library (in Diehl Hall) Net: Where are people finding all these halls? We have hardly recognized a single hall mentioned today. Then again, we still have trouble finding the mythical “West Bank” as being the veritable poop-haven on campus. Not only are these bathrooms sparkling clean, but usually someone is nice enough to leave random sections of the Daily of varying age Net: Hopefully not used for wiping purposes lying around in case one has been negligent enough not to come armed with literature. When I’m not doing some of my best thinking sitting at one of the thrones in these lavatories, I occasionally read the scrawling on the stalls. Without exaggeration, I think some of the graffiti in this place would be enough to disturb Eminem! I don’t know what the future physicians of our generation are gonna be like, but you can read some of the most perturbing propaganda scribbled on the walls in this place. However, I have to give this place the thumbs up ‘cuz some of the illustrations will definitely earn a chuckle or two. Net: Quite possibly traced out of an anatomy textbook

From The Flash: Ahoy, Net-matey. Net: Yar In response to deftones question about great places to “drop the kids off at the pool,” Net: If there is one thing this world needs more of, it is euphemisms for crapping. A few suggestions: “Bombing the porcelain maw” “Eating a chocolate sundae in reverse without chewing or teeth” “Firing a 21-inch salute” “Defiling the white mansion” I have this to say: Do ya think that any of us that know of these places are going to tell you or anywhere else where they are? Come on, it’s just like writing in to a paper about the location of a secret gold mine Net: Or a bar serving Labatt Blue on tap that you’ve been mining. Not that I’m going to tell you where that is either …


From Notablond: Hey Net! Being all-knowing I’m sure you’ve noticed that marching band stooge week is again upon us. As a first-year member (NOT to be read as freshman) of the “Pride of Minnesota,” Net: Especially when they’re drinking on buses I have given several tasks as part of my ha … I mean, membership education. So here’s what I need: Benji Kamrath, Mark Yudof, and Ben Hamilton Net: No hockey players? to meet me in front of Northrop Auditorium at 3:45 on Wednesday afternoon so they can sign my stooge paddle. And if Glen Mason, Travis Cole, and Dan Nystrom wanted to come along, that would be great. It’ll be a good time, I’m confident I can make it worth their while … Net: With your ‘rear?’ Please help me, Net! Also, I’d like to send a shot out to my stoogemasters Kamshaft and Natesgirl, Net: Our favorite is Stacybone, have her give you a few dozen demerits because it can’t hurt to kiss a little ass. Go Gophers! Net: Rah!