The Fashionista is in: Apocalyptic Apparel

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiiiii—nally ready to be a fashionista.

Shannon Ryan

As the alleged end of the world date draws near, anxiety, fear and prophetic theories are understandably running amuck.

Magnetic forces causing comet collisions with earth, concealed alien cults saving select human beings, underground access to other worlds — how does one dress for the emerging events of doomsday defeat?

Think time periods, less trends. Riddle yourself a reel of fashion clips to act in a filmic escape of the presupposed apocalypse. Stage a sartorial coup d’état, and turn on the current wardrobe rulings to align with the progression of doomsday unfolding.

Think holistically and identify with the intrinsic emotional path toward defeat and survival: calm and thoughtful; edgy and layered; sharp and defensive. Sartorially equipped for triumph you’ll be.


Pre-apocalyptic apparel

Immerse yourself in the finest of feminine fabrics, silhouettes and royal extras.

Bathe in shades of rich gold, hushed blue, whispered vanilla and blushed pinks. Evoke innocence in fabrics of lace, chiffon and silks formed into elegant and loose silhouettes.

Build an empire of apparel embroidered in raised birds and flowers of sage and crimson hues. Add unexpectedly sweet swings of contrasting ruffles to trace an undulating rhythm around otherwise restrictive skirts.

Let the royal fondness of Victorian-inspired hats sit atop your crown and charm passersby. Be playful in layers of cascading pearls and amorous in nothing but diamond-encrusted sheaths, for ‘tis the last weeks of purity before the world is forever blue.


Mid-apocalyptic apparel

Betray the unicorn fragility of apparel before the storm, and slay the dragons of the present in layers of bulk and brawn.

Lay heavy bandoliers of ammo atop an anarchic leather jacket that hugs your arms and bodice for warmth. The devil lies in the details for mid-apocalyptic apparel, with layers of studded vests, bands of PVC and tattered military gear stacked beneath the leather for wicked defense. Layer the items close to the body to shield against exterior harm.

Canvas, metal, denim and leather will compose your lower half with deep pockets housing weapons to defeat danger lurking behind each blade of grass.

Stay on-guard and alert in steel-toe combat boots that have a curly shearling lining. Stow miscellaneous warfare treats in different nooks of the heavy apparel, and exude an edge through every metal stud.


Post-apocalyptic apparel

With survival comes a transition into refinement of the wardrobe, a tummy-tuck of fabrics and a sharpening of silhouettes.

Defensive and assumedly dangerous, your clothing should have the strictness of a straitjacket but the poise of a runway model.

Wear angled articles of clothing with subtle, almost unseen details mirroring the strife of the former times. Choose androgynous, slash-shoulder tailcoats, bib bodysuits and cigarette pants for their clean lines and unmistakably perfected structures.

Kill with your looks of a lady spy, your eyes of a femme fatale, and evoke an unsettling air of danger to those unknown to you.


If well-prepared in style and sorts, the apocalypse will be a mere ripple in the smooth face of reality.