Dear Dr. Date,Now I know you have gay tendencies. You have printed gay-guy dating service attempts before this Friday’s.Every time you print these letters, or when some gay meeting is held on campus, it gets unbearable. Just some beginner examples: Gays harass men by peeking in toilet stalls. On buses, in libraries, etc. they sit directly in front of you, facing you even though there are 50 empty seats everywhere. They embarrass you in front of people, for example, by making sucking sounds and at the same time boldly eyeing you.It takes away so much of my energy and spirit, I have to put on a frown sometimes all day to discourage them. You seem to think only harassment of gays is terrible, that reverse gay harassment doesn’t exist, or it is much lesser! Let me tell you, ALL harassment is equally unpleasant and undesirable!!My story is this: Only guys stare. (I made a count one day and it was 21 guys, 0 girls!!) My story would also answer a question asked by a female in a related story about why guys don’t dress better! I have a closet full of nice clothes, but whenever I do dress up, only guys look. GIRLS DON’T LOOK!!So in silent frustration I stop. I wish she would know that’s why.— Frustrated
I find it hard to believe that 21 guys would find you attractive enough to stare, yet no women would do so. For the most part, what straight women find attractive in men is often what gay men find attractive in men. Or, to be more complete, women like a wide variety of men and so do gay men. But we do live in a society where men are encouraged to make their attractions known while women are discouraged. Still, I think you are missing a vital fact about attraction: It isn’t always based solely on looks.
What seems to be driving your anger is a fear that a man would find you attractive. What’s wrong with this? It’s harmless. Take the compliment and move on with your life instead of descending into this hole of paranoia and bitterness in which you’ve put yourself. No, I don’t believe that all of these horrible things you mentioned in your letter actually happened to you. Perhaps something close to these things happened, but you are letting your imagination run crazy. Last time I checked, paranoia and hate were not on many women’s lists of desirable traits.
I feel sorry for you, my friend. Not because of your ludicrous claims of harassment, but because you’re mixed up about life. Start accepting and liking other people, no matter how different they are from you, and you might be surprised to find you have better luck with the opposite sex.