The grossest thing

 

The Sweetest Thing

Directed by Roger Kumble

(Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Thomas Jane, Jason Bateman, Selma Blair)

R

 

When I tried to palm off my second ticket for The Sweetest Thing, I had no takers. That proves my friends are pretty smart, as they were able to foresee this cinematic disaster before it happened. I hate going to movies alone, so I invited my dad. I’m sorry, dad, for subjecting you to this dog of a movie.

The Sweetest Thing is a supposed to be a romantic comedy about an inability to commit to relationships and then finding love when one least expects it. Christina Walters (Cameron Diaz) is a female player. She’ll go to the club, she’ll dance with you, but you won’t get her telephone number because she doesn’t want to undertake the commitment. When she stumbles upon Peter Donahue (Thomas Jane), she finally finds a guy who doesn’t hit on her and who isn’t looking to get an instant lay. Of course, she falls for him. But when she finds out he lives three hours from her, she gives up. Her best friend Courtney (Christina Applegate) decides that Donahue is the right man for her and she decides to take Christina on a road trip to make a commitment to the love of her life.

This movie seems like a routine ronantic comedy until the scenes where Cameron Diaz gets a penis poked in her eye in a bathroom, Selma Blair’s character gets a pierced penis stuck in her mouth, and the several other scenes that rely obvious gross jokes. It could have been a romance comedy or it could have been a gross-out comedy. When combined, they result in a stillborn movie. This is the ultimate example that two good ideas do not necessarily make a good film.

There are a few laughs, although it takes fifteen minutes of long, materialistic conversation between two women to get one good joke. This made me squirm in my seat and wonder if it would be unethical to leave a movie halfway through, even though I was reviewing it. But I had learned about commitment, so I stuck it out.

Should you see it? Let’s put it this way. Cameron Diaz got $15 million for performing in it; you should get nothing less for suffering through it. – Nick Conant

The Sweetest Thing is currently showing in many mainstream cinemas.

 

Slapshots 2: Breaking the Ice is available on DVD.