Frankly, we’re tir…

Frankly, we’re tired of you incestuous future rocket scientists publicly disparaging each other. The ladies of IT Honors … you have the floor … and the last word. Now, happy Friday; enjoy the clement weather.
BORED WITH IT
From Gray Sheep: I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of people talking about me and my fellow IT Honors women like we have no voice in the matter. HELLO! HERE I AM! I HAVE AN ATTITUDE ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE! Net: Yeah, well, everyone else has an attitude about your aptitude. It seems that Jerk and others find us “undateable,” so I say, look at the reflection in the glare of your monitors, and you will see the problem: Net: The lab attendant looking over your shoulder? YOU! It is not we that are the ones who are undateable, but you. Also, using the term “girls” only makes it worse. At this time, I would to invite all the other IT women, the tried and true, to join me in this pledge:
I, ______, a strong, intelligent and beautiful creation, renounce all the “Jerk“s out there that wish to inflate their own egos. Net: There goes another toy balloon, *POP!* I renounce “the Wiener” in all of his “high school”ishness. I pledge to beat the IT “boys” at their own game. There are plenty of other college men who love smart women, and I WILL find them and flaunt them right in front of Canadian FBI. To these, I vow. And even though I am not the redhead that knows judo, I have associates who can come down on you with comparable measures if you write back with another egotistical response.

From Honors Chick: First off, I would like to give a great big thank you to Mule. We thank you for your kind words in spite of the lack of support from others. As for the rest of you …
IT honors guys are not well known for their athleticism. On the other hand, the Honors girls happen to be very strong, athletic, all around great athletes. Some activities include: judo, running, soccer, football, weight lifting, aerobics, skiing, rowing, swimming Net: Mountain climbing, horseback riding, long moonlit walks on the beach, designing weapons of mass destruction and countless others, these are some buff chicas! It is common knowledge that about half of the Honors girls could kick the crap out of any or all of the guy in IT Honors. Net: Thank you ladies; we believe that’s ’nuff said. Confidential to Mule: Don’t even think about it!
BAD GUYS, MEET THE GOOD GUYS

From King T’s partners: Bucky P, your ideas of urinating around our precious Carlson School of Management building may be your demise. Our lord and master, King T, has set up his personal headquarters within the undergrad computer lounge within Carlson. Net: Until Citizen confirms this, the area is still considered neutral. Be afraid — be very afraid. We at Carlson are easily persuaded by King T. His promise of world power and never-ending profits have brainwashed all of us. Beware of anyone in your CLA classes as well. We’ve begun a mission of integrating into classes to persuade outsiders to help in our effort to take over not only the University, but the world as well. Ha, ha, ha! As for the IT women, you simple IT men have left them alone too long. They’ve joined us in our mission and their incredible beauty and intelligence Net: And alleged judo skills, we’ll add will further aid in both our recruiting missions and our strategic planning. Join now, Networkians, or forever regret it! Net: Things are getting ugly out there, folks. Obsequians are worming out of the woodwork, walking among you with impunity! Of course, so are NITWIT sympathizers …

From The One Known as the Magistrate: Oh Great and Almighty Network, hear my cries as I bring forth evidence of a new wave of terror. Net: Oh, that’s just great. As if we didn’t already have our hands full. Obsequian forces have invaded the St. Paul campus, disguised as Future Farmers of America, or FFA as they call themselves. These evil operatives, while hiding behind their ploy of promoting agriculture and farming, have littered the sacred greens of Earle Brown, infested the Gopher Spot and have mockingly rearranged the magazine racks of Books Underground. Net: Atrocities! While some feel CSOM will be the staging area for King T’s invasion, I believe much of his effort will initially focus on the St. Paul campus. Net: Oh, we get it … so nobody will notice … It is a campus of peace and tranquility; to conquer it would divide the University and enable King Terror to attack from within and through Campus Connectors. Net: There’s already enough terror on those things … besides, King T doesn’t like to stand. Hence, while Baron has pledged allegiance to NITWIT from the South, I, Magistrate, pledge support from the North. The hills of New Brighton and the plains of Roseville will no longer stand idly by and watch King T invoke his reign of destruction.
DISH-PRO-PORTION From Tristan: Oh glorious and omnipotent Network! Please hear my case, for I have discovered yet another injustice invoked upon us by the University Dining Services branch of “the Man.” Net: They’re piling up like basketball allegations. Yes, I speak of the rising prices at the Two City Cafe in Coffman Union. Being a long-time customer, I have had a chance to weigh every nuance of the cuisine at said UDS outlet. Net: And develop a nasty ulcer, webets. Lately, however, I have discovered how they are making such a huge profit all of the sudden. It turns out that instead of raising their prices (which might make people angry), they have pulled a high-jinx and made all of their plates and containers smaller while keeping the prices the same! Net: Well … so does the food stay the same size? Why is it that suddenly, the fries that I used to get are now classified as “large” and cost $.25 more? I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more! Death to UDS and their shifty-eyed price-hiking! I demand a recount! Net: And so will Hass/Christiansen, but the Obsequian MSA will still hold court …