Dear Dr. Date,
Education is really, really important to me — I’m about to enter a super competitive grad school program and want my partner to at least have some college under their belt. I genuinely don’t mean to be classist, but I like people I date to have similar life experiences and be able to relate to me.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now, and during that time, he’s said he was going to finish his degree like 80 times. I finally thought I convinced him to apply to the U, but the deadline is in a few days and he’s made no steps towards actually doing anything. We got into a huge fight, where he told me I cared too much about arbitrary things and was stressing him out. I don’t mean to worry him, but this kind of stuff is really important to me and it makes me sad that he doesn’t care.
He loves me to death and I love him, but this is making me question our future. What should I do?
Learn Something New Today
Dear Learn Something New Today,
If your boyfriend still loves you as much as you say he does, he’s hopefully not trying to hurt you this much on purpose — he just doesn’t realize how much it means to you. Sometimes it’s the principle of the thing just as much as it is the actual thing. He may not agree with you on school, but he should still care about how you feel.
But if he’s really set on not going to school and you’re set on that being a dealbreaker, don’t draw it out any longer. You’re allowed to want two different things, so don’t keep stringing each other along if you know you won’t compromise for the other.