CAMPAIGN SWINGSN…

CAMPAIGN SWINGS
Net: Along with the usual signs of spring (crabgrass, drunken outdoor parties, etc.) come those other signs — Minnesota Student Association election signs. We’re just beginning to get MSA letters, and today we print our first samples of the season. Our prognostication? At this point, it’s anyone’s race — but NITWIT is mulling a candidacy. And if NITWIT’s in, it’s a whole new ballgame.

From Thea: It’s spring now, and with it comes the inevitable ruckus of electing a new MSA President. Since the posters have started coming up, I just have to say that I love the “Sanders & Miller … our pain is your pleasure” posters! A friend and I who were walking down the Mall were almost rolling on the ground laughing. Considering what I’ve heard about the last MSA year, they are speaking the truth. Best of luck to Miller and Sanders.
Another thing, I’m really annoyed by the campaign that is covering up these good posters with pictures of the Spice Girls. Apart from the fact that I despise the Spicers, covering up other campaign’s posters is extremely petty. That’s not the type of person I would vote for — especially for president, an office that needs to be able to deal with students, not just cover them up if they don’t agree with their personal agenda.

From Screech, The PCS President: Well, the first MSA campaign posters have begun to appear across campus, which means it’s time for the Pizza Club for Studs to announce its nominations. Net: Ah yes, the unfed masses are looking to your guidance.
While we had much fun supporting the “Homer for MSA” campaign, he seemed to get less and less support yearly. Net: Reruns just aren’t as effective. In addition, Homer no longer attends school Net: He just went blind and started composing epic poetry, and he never had a decent running mate (no offense, Farley) Net: Farley’s dead. It is time for a change.
Therefore, the PCS would like to announce the endorsement of two “lovable little scamps,” “South Park”‘s own Eric Cartman for MSA president and Kenny McCormick for MSA vice-president.
Mr. Cartman’s campaign platform is simple Net: We assume you’ve been in close contact with him to discern his views: Disband the MSA. Only rarely does the MSA get anything done that students care about, and when they do — students never hear about it. Net: Hey — we can’t be all things to all people here. The MSA should not continue receiving undergraduates’ money if it can’t help improve the state of getting an education. Cartman even wrote a song about it Net: I guess this is as close as we’ll come to today’s poem. Sigh.

“MSA Is A Waste” in D-minor

Cartman: Oh ho! (Singing) Net: Thanks for clarifying.
Wellll, MSA’s a waste! It’s a big fat waste!
It’s the biggest waste in the whole wide world!
It’s a stupid waste if there ever was a waste,
It’s a waste to all the boys and girls!
Jigar Madia: Shut up Cartman!
Cartman: On Monday it’s a waste! On Tuesday it’s a waste!
And Wednesday through Saturday it’s a waste!
Then on Sunday just to be different
It’s a super kinkamayamaya we-aste!
Pres. Yudof: Golly, that isn’t very nice! I’d sure like to teach him a lesson!
Cartman: Have you ever met folks in the MSA?
It’s the biggest waste in the whole wide world,
It’s a mean ole waste and it has stupid reps.,
It’s a waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste.
Waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste! Net: Catchy.
It’s a stupid waste. MSA’s a waste and smells a dirty too.
MSA, is a wasteeeeahhh.

As for Mr. McCormick (Kenny), the membership of the Pizza Club for Studs feels he is the perfect candidate for vice-president. In what other political office can you be killed regularly and no one would care? Net: Good point.
Just look at Al Gore — he’s half-dead already.
More info on the Cartman/McCormick MSA ticket can be found at http://www.stat.umn.edu/~ malerich/PCS/MSA9899.html (don’t forget the tilde, or it won’t work). Long live the Pizza Club for Studs! Net: And long live democracy. God bless the MSA.

From Socrates, With a Long A: There you guys go again generalizing the greek system. Not all of us are affluent, like most of you like to believe. Net: Some are just plain pathetic. I’m not in the least bit sorry if you make it your life to try to make fun of the greek system, because Network is the only friend you have. Net: It helps to have friends in high places.
FRATERNITIES STRIKE BACK
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I wouldn’t want to live next to a halfway house. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t perfect either. I don’t see the rationale in either Green Squall or Halfway. Honestly now, if this would have been about a bunch of girls (not in the greek system) collectively living together and they would have brought this up, everyone on campus would side with the girls. So let’s all grow up and get rid of this BS stereotype. I would hate to go off and generalize you, Green Squall, and say that you have no life. Oops — that’s true so that’s not a generalization. Net: Yeah — well, your mother shops at Macy’s. Sorry, that’s the best we could come up with.
As we often do, we will curtail the always-bubbling fraternity debate before it eats up this section like a nasty computer virus. So many things to talk about, so little time.
We’ll try to fit you in.