Weekend Culture Compass – Celebrating the unluckiest day and the lurviest day

A&E plans your weekend. You’re welcome.

Yer Cronies want to be yer Valentine. Source: Tinderbox

Ashley Goetz

Yer Cronies want to be yer Valentine. Source: Tinderbox

Friday: Magic âÄì ItâÄôs Friday the 13th. Hold a séance or dabble with the occult. Avoid black cats and ladders, sure, but that doesnâÄôt mean that this ill-charmed day has to be less than a party. What better way to keep those bad spirits away or just figure out whether or not you will get a ValentineâÄôs date than to open a spiritual channel? Take your pick of medium: Ouija boards, tarot cards, tea leaves, witchâÄôs stew or the good old life predicting MASH will all work. Draw those curtains, light a few candles and let the spirits come to you. Music – Monotonix At a Monotonix show, you donâÄôt just listen to the music; the music lights the garbage on fire and punches you in the eye – or maybe thatâÄôs just the lead singer, Ami Shalev. Still touring their 2008 album Body Language, an apt title given their performance antics, these Tele Avivian rockers know how to put on a show. If you like garage rock and freaking out done right, Monotonix is your scene. The music is first-rate, too . Uptown Bar and Café, 3018 Hennepin Ave S. 9 p.m. $10 Theater âÄì Richard III Those scam artists across town wonâÄôt even do an oil change for $12-15, but in this here honest garage thatâÄôs all it takes to see the great Shakespearean tragedy Richard III. It may not be the queenâÄôs birthday, but thereâÄôs never a bad time to witness a classic royal romp. This story of ambition, inner toil and murder is the perfect medicine to titillate thee out of the inky depths of the winter of your discontent. Minneapolis Theater Garage, 711 Franklin Ave W. 7:30 p.m. $12-15 Music âÄì Friday the 13th Benefit Show If you didnâÄôt know it was Friday the 13th already, the benefit show at the Hexagon will surely hound it in. 13 bands play 13-minute sets each in this courageous campaign to buy a better PA system for the bar. The doors are free, which leaves you more able to donate for the sake of sound. Just donâÄôt break any of their mirrors ,please. Hexagon Bar, 2600 27th Ave S. 9 p.m., 21+ Suggested donation Music- Texatonka CD Release Texa Tonka and Texatonka: one is a 180.8 acre neighborhood in St. Louis Park where the average home was built in 1952, the other is a Minneapolis indie band who just released their second album, âÄúWith Brick and Mortar.âÄù Which is which? Better figure it out because only one of them will be rocking this Friday. 400 Bar, 400 Cedar Avemue 8 p.m., 18+ $5 Saturday: Dance – Book of Love Attention all men whose last ValentineâÄôs day was spent playing competitive video games with your girlfriends: this year is the time to show itâÄôs all about her. How? Plan something that you obviously would never do on a regular Saturday night: go to the ballet. The Southern TheaterâÄôs âÄúBook of LoveâÄù performance is the perfect solution, featuring ballroom dancing that is notably modern and edgy, with a soundtrack that will make anyone forget that dance used to be associated with tutus. Southern Theater, 1420 Washington Avenue S. 5, 8 p.m. $29 Performance: Dream Channel Episode 2 Somewhere in between Fox Family Channel and NBC falls a channel of dreams. Or more specifically, right on the stage of the Ritz Theater, “The Dream Channel” begins its second episode. Choreographed by Zhuana Franks of “Ballet of the Dolls,” this production openly admits to being influenced by reality TV, and makes up for it by boasting a soundtrack that includes the dark roast voice of Tom Waits and the flavored cream vocal stylings of Antony and the Johnsons. Ritz Theater, 345 13th Avenue N.E. 8 p.m. $20 – $22 Music âÄì ValentineâÄôs Day Extravaganza at 7th Street Entry For couples used to hitching the bus to the Too Much Love dance party on Saturday nights, ValentineâÄôs Day doesnâÄôt need to be a total departure from habit. Luckily, the venue is throwing a party geared toward romance and dancing. The show features critically acclaimed local pop singer Chris Koza and 2008âÄôs biggest local act, Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles. Between KozaâÄôs melodic choruses and Lucy MichelleâÄôs gentle, thoughtful folk, there are sure to be a few moments made for stand-up spooning. 7th Street Entry, 701 First Avenue N. 8 p.m. $12 Music âÄì Yer Cronies As if the great city of Minneapolis (she giveth and she taketh, and letâÄôs hope she giveth with above freezing weather) would leave young lovers with only one ValentineâÄôs day themed party at a wildly popular venue featuring the biggest names in local music. As if is right, because the Triple Rock is also having a lurve day bash, this time featuring jam rock crooners Yer Cronies. This bash may not be as kissy kissy as First AveâÄôs, but hey, itâÄôs at a Social Club, and the bandâÄôs website points out that a crony is a âÄúclose friend, companion or chum.âÄù A&EâÄôs best Ouija-ish skills can divine that this strong-drink-mixing bar might be a perfect place for lovers andthose who are âÄúbetween relationshipsâÄù at the moment. Triple Rock, 629 Cedar Avenue 10 p.m. $6 21+ Theater âÄì Adventures in Mating One of the most notable performances from the recent Fringe Festival, âÄúAdventures in MatingâÄù has become so popular that is even being performed in Bulgaria. ItâÄôs almost like, mating is universal, and not only that, it has the ability to be funny âĦ Who knew? Bryant-Lake BowlâÄôs performance, which doesnâÄôt neglect the blind dateâÄôs ability to lend itself equally to comedy and tragedy, might be just the anecdote to ValentineâÄôs date needs. It canâÄôt be more of an awkward first date than seeing âÄúHeâÄôs Just Not that Into You,âÄù can it? Bryant-Lake Bowl, 810 Lake Street W. 6, 9 p.m. $15 Sunday: Music âÄì Daughters of the Sun For a band called Daughters of the Sun, this band has a surprising amount of facial hair. Now, these self-described psychedelic pop-rockers are playing a show at the Turf Club where they will undoubtedly wow with their overt guy-ness. More importantly, the Daughters play some pretty mean rock and roll with a sound that is scattered, intense, distorted and thoroughly enjoyable. Turf Club, 1601 University Avenue 7 p.m. Party – Gastro Non Grata After the seemingly endless 24 hours that make up ValentineâÄôs Day, why not muster the energy to put on some clothes, head over to the West Bank and chow down. Gastro Non Grata is an inspired event that offers helpings of delectable (and free!) food. ItâÄôs a surefire cure for the hangover that will certainly be experienced by swarms of lovelorn singles in the greater Minneapolis area. Couples are also welcome, but will be potentially loathed. Triple Rock, 629 Cedar Avenue 6 p.m. Free Music âÄì Linda Ronstadt Tribute Chances are if youâÄôre reading this you are too young to have caught Linda Ronstadt in her heyday. Fortunately, some hero of yore invented the tribute (it was possibly Tenacious D), so now you can head over to the 400 Bar and watch a couple of Ronstadt-philes pay homage to the aging chanteuse. At this point, theyâÄôre probably better than the real deal. Cheaper too. 400 Bar, 400 Cedar Avenue S. 7 p.m. $5.00 Theater âÄì A Delicate Balance What could possibly be better after a night of romantic bliss than going to see an Edward Albee play? The Guthrie is now staging the playwrightâÄôs notorious Pulitzer-winning âÄúA Delicate Balance.âÄù ItâÄôs the tale of a dysfunctional suburban couple that gets a little too honest with the help of sweet mama liquor. Beware! This could happen to you! Guthrie Theater, 818 2nd Street S. Varies, Through March 1st $29-60 Culture to Consume: Watch this: TheyâÄôve done it! TheyâÄôve done it! Finally the best space-set-movie-critiquing-robot show to come out of good old Hopkins Minnesota is online. âÄúMystery Science Theater 3000âÄù or âÄúMST3KâÄù as the kids call it is pure comedy gold. Now it comes streaming to you faster than a puma man (season 9, episode 4) from the tubes of the internet, which is a great improvement over the VHS of the show you taped off of the sci-fi channel eight years ago. Listen to this: You never thought it would come to this, but itâÄôs that time in your adult life when you should really start listening to public radio. Not listening to it as in hearing it when you ride in the car with your parents, but really taking time to put on your LandsâÄô End cable knit sweater, sit on your IKEA furniture, drink tea and tune to 99.5 for the afternoon. HereâÄôs some gooduns if you need helpâĦ Car Talk: Sat. -11 a.m., Sun.- 1 p.m., Boston accents and mechanical advice. This American Life: Sat.- 1 p.m., Sun. âÄì 8 p.m. Ira Glass brings us entertaining stories from around the US. A Prairie Home Companion: Sat. âÄì 5 p.m., Sun. âÄì 11 a.m. Goshdarnit! You should know about this one already. Eat this: Have you ever wanted an Egg McMuffin at eight oâÄôclock at night? We all have. The problem is that the fat cats over at McDonaldâÄôs Corporation refuse to sell breakfast all day. Well the jokeâÄôs on them, because the good folks at Jimmy Dean have come out with their D-lights line of breakfast sandwiches. The pseudo-Egg McMuffin is only 230 calories (compared to McDonaldâÄôs 300) and heats up in just 40 seconds. So, stick it to the clown and grab a big handful of Jimmy. Drink this: Certain circles of the Daily are quite partial to a humble little drink affectionately dubbed a âÄúJon Collins.âÄù Known elsewhere as a Dirty Shirley, the Jon Collins is an immaculate concoction of vodka, 7 Up and grenadine. ItâÄôs a perfect drink for girls that make weird faces every time they knock back vodka and men that arenâÄôt afraid to have cherries in their drinks. ItâÄôs the 21st century people; let us shed these archaic gender roles together! Click this: Wondering if our new President is keeping his campaign promises? Check out PolitiFact . The website has compiled over 500 promises made by Obama during the campaign and shows his progress with their patented Obameter. So now you can impress your friends with your quasi-political-savvy, instead of watching âÄúAmerican Idol.âÄù