Net: We have always been proud of our status as the home of the few, the proud, the opinionated, the brave … and the brave just got braver. Someone took us up on using their real name, and thus in our (winding down — we promise) diversity debate, we hear first …
DIVERSIONFrom Chris Varro: I don’t want to express my opinion in the “Funding of International Students” debate. I simply want to point out to Chrome and others that being Asian does not make someone an international student. It may come as a shock to you that many Asian students are also U.S. citizens. Net: In some circles, they are known as “Americans.” This means that they pay taxes and full tuition just like you or me.
I am all in support of an open forum, but please try to keep from using racial stereotypes in your discussion. They weaken your arguments as well as demonstrate your inability to function in a global society. Net: Plus, it’s just not funny. C’mon — let’s have some levity here!
From Tex: Diversity is very important, but what about fairness? Net: That’s the problem with Minnesota. Everyone’s too fair. Many of the policies the University has to increase diversity are justified, but there’s one that is truly discriminatory: the tuition waver that the University gives to other out-of-staters who happen to be minority. No matter what their family makes, they pay in-state tuition.
Does diversity mean that the University wants to attract only non-Anglo-American students from out of state? What about the other 60 percent of the nation? Our diversity is represented in our ideas and experiences, and having a diverse ethnic background IS part of that — but so is coming from a part of the country where most Minnesotans have never been and have no idea what everyday life there is actually like.
Does Minnesota celebrate Cinco de Mayo? Net: Only if it doesn’t involve dancing. I’m from Texas, and we do. Does Minnesota celebrate Juneteenth (does Minnesota even know what Juneteenth is)? Net: Juneteenth is the commemoration of the days when Southern slaves learned they had been freed! The Daily covers it every year. We do. Is it fair to discriminate against me when I may be MORE diverse than that person who comes from an upper-middle class family, just happens to live in another state Net: But have you eaten Lutefisk? Have you ever had “a little lunch?” Do you say things like, “ohfer funny,” and spent hours and hours staring at a hole in the ice in hopes of killing something? We have, and whose grandparents just happened to have been born in another (non-European) country? No. Because they don’t “Remember the Alamo,” they don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo, they don’t even know what Juneteenth is, and they don’t know what it’s like to go to school where you’re one of two Anglo-Americans in your kindergarten class. Net: Actually, many rural Minnesotans are very aware of that experience; of course, it’s because there were only two kids in their kindergartens.
You grow up accepting diversity and celebrating it — that is, until you come to a place where you’re told you’re not diverse enough because your great-grandparents just happened to be European.
GO-PHER IT!!!From Bo Jangles: I don’t know how many people were at the Saturday Gopher Hockey game Net: Two, and they were both Anglo-Americans, but I witnessed something I found very interesting. I saw our mascot, Mr. Goldy Gopher, give a woman, whom we’ll call Linda Golden, a kiss Net: Watch out. The last time someone messed with a Golden, O.J. went on a rampage. Or was that Goldman? Never mind. This was not your ordinary run-of-the-mill, peck-on-the-cheek, nice-to-you kind of kiss. Rather, it was an all-out emotional, closed-eyes, sparks-flying kind of kiss. Net: Undoubtedly, Ms. Golden was wearing Curves at the time. I even think I saw Linda Golden try and give him the tongue.
They both tried to play this off as nothing. Net: You never know when Kenneth Starr is watching. Yet later I witnessed another quick embrace, and blowing of kisses back between one another. Is there something that we should know about our mascot? Is he pulling a Clinton by using his power to seduce women? Net: No, you idiot — he IS Clinton. The man is desperate — he’ll do anything he can!!! Perhaps Goldy and Linda Golden are daytime friends and nighttime lovers who could no longer contain their affection. If this should develop into something more, what would their children look like? Net: It’s folks like you who give miscegenation a bad name. All I know is that we should keep an eye on women when they are near Goldy Gopher as I fear they may be powerless to his charm and power.
IT’S A DOG-GONE SHAME
From Mixed Breed: For any animal lovers that might be lurking out there in the Network audience, I have a rather URGENT Public Service Announcement:
At the Minneapolis Animal Impound Lot, a.k.a. “the pound,” there lives a pair of the cutest Boxer puppies — perhaps the cutest puppies ever born. They are probably “purebred Boxer,” and thus run the risk of being adopted for the purpose of making more litters of Boxer pups. The sad thing is, they seem to really love each other a lot, and they play with anyone who even passes by their sad little caged-pen. They really need to be adopted together.
Maybe somebody out there has room for two super-cute Boxer puppies? They aren’t litter-trained, but they would probably be easy to litter train and teach tricks to — they seem very intelligent. As a primarily “cat” person, I have been smitten with these particular pups, but my apartment won’t allow dogs. Somebody with a house and yard and lots of love and maybe some kids should rescue them from their cold gray cage. Or maybe just go and play with them.
They need lots of attention, and love to be held. The place is tucked away really near the Warehouse Store for Ragstock, so if you’ve been there, you’ll be able to find the pound.