Dear Dr. Date, Hi, I have a problem, and hopefully you will understand and be able to put me on the right path. There is this girl back in my hometown that I care for very much. She is the one person who always makes me happy whenever I see her, no matter what. She makes my day 10 times better than what it already was. This girl and I went out for a short time during the summer, and we broke up because of a misunderstanding. It really makes me feel bad. I have apologized many times, but I am afraid there is nothing I can really do to get her to go out with me anymore. I am not worried about that, but what I am worried about is that I think she is involved with another guy, and the guy is married with two kids. This was a rumor from her roommate, and I tell myself it isn’t true. But I really don’t know what to do. I care for this girl from the bottom of my heart and would do anything to help her in any way that I could. I am wondering if I should ask her if the rumor I heard is true. If it is true, I will be so upset, not because she isn’t going out with me, but because she is going to ruin her life if she does this. The guy and his wife are right now in difficult times and the guy is always over at the girl’s house. I have practically done everything for this girl, and I don’t want to see her screw up her life, because if she does, I will feel that it is my fault for not doing anything to stop it. The truth is, I don’t believe the rumor, and I don’t want to believe it, but I do need to know if it is a rumor or if it is reality. I am asking your opinion on this matter, and hopefully it will set me in the right direction. Thanks.— Seriously Confused
This is none of your business, friend. She might be behaving improperly by your standards, but that is no reason to get involved in this situation. We already have too many people imposing their morals on us as it is. I’m not saying that fooling around with a married man is OK, I’m saying that neither you nor I are in a position to judge this woman.
Obviously, this hurts, but be realistic. It would probably be just as painful if she were sleeping with the all-American boy next door. Because of the adulterous circumstances, you feel you have a right to be upset or involved, but you don’t. Don’t mask your jealousy with concern. This woman is free to live the life she chooses.