The Nesvig siblings take on Fall Out Boy

by Kara Nesvig

 I admit, my young brother Dylan and I listened to “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down” in my 1993 Cadillac every morning on our way to Climax-Shelly school in the fall of 2005, but we don’t like to talk about it—besides, we listened to it in tandem with our favorite band, the Velvet Underground, and also with Kanye West, so you win some, you lose some.


However, winter break boredom (nay, holiday break boredom, says Dylan, now 18 and a transferring freshman to the U) has given us the grand idea to review Fall Out Boy’s brand new CD, “Folie a Deux,” so you know if it’s worth blasting in your maroon Caddy.


Dylan: You can’t say it’s probably not worth blasting until you listen! They don’t do that in “Rolling Stone” reviews!


Kara: Okay, we’re going to play the first song. “Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes”—Thanks, YouTube.


Dylan: Wow, it looks like they’ve shaved approximately two words off their long song titles. This sounds like Elvis Costello. (Intro ends.) Oh wait, it’s all downhill from here.


Kara: Is it really going to be good? Probably not.


Dylan: Maybe there’s a good story. Isn’t Fall Out Boy good with words?


Kara: They did use “mausoleum” in “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down,” and I was always impressed by that. But I’m far less impressed by Pete Wentz’s eyeliner. I think my huge problem with Fall Out Boy is the same problem I have with Radiohead—I don’t like their fans. And those Hot Topic tshirts.


Dylan: Well, I like Patrick Stump because he’s fat and he’s losing his hair. (Laughter)


Kara: Moving on to “She’s My Winona.” Sounds the same. So far, two for two, sound pretty much exactly the same. This song talks about babies, probably Pete wrote it about Bronx Mowgli Wentz.


Dylan: Uff da.


Kara: I think they’re trying to use Winona as in Winona Ryder, you know, cause she dates all those rock stars.

Dylan: She didn’t go out with Pete Wentz, though, because he’s not Johnny Depp. Or Adam Duritz. (From Counting Crows)


Kara: “America’s Suitehearts.” Why the misspelling? I will say this for Patrick Stump, he has a good vocal range.


Dylan: Boy can sing. What are they saying in these songs?


Kara: I don’t have a clue.


Dylan: On “Tiffany Blews:” They sound like the Jonas Brothers! This sounds like “Burning Up.”


Kara: Clearly YouTube user “phelps91” loves the FOB. Thanks, dude, for all the videos so we didn’t have to download this. Can we draw any conclusions yet from what we’ve listened to? iTunes is comparing this to The Who and “Sgt. Pepper,” in some vague iTunes-esque review. Sometimes I can’t tell if they’re giving it a good review or a bad review.


Dylan: Can you just change everything I said to ‘Arrested Development” quotes? This album is like, all the same. Lots of drumming, staccato guitars, and Patrick Stump. With lots of different hats, like every time I see him.


Kara: “What a Catch, Donnie” is a slow jam. Wow. It’s probably about “Donnie Darko.” Oh. I’m reading on iTunes that Elvis Costello himself is on that song.


Dylan: Seriously?


Kara: This does sound like the Jonas Brothers.


Dylan: Unless the Jonas Brothers sound like them. Some serious ape-ing. (Discussion over the word “ape-ing”) Who sings for the JB? Is it the middle one? The good looking one?


Kara: The “good looking” one.


Dylan: Kevin is the ugly one. And then, Kevin. . .who are the other two? Joe? And Nick. Nick’s the youngest. Joe’s the good looking one. Maybe we’ll see some cameos on FOB IV?




Dylan: That [Led Zep album] actually doesn’t even have a name, do you know that?


Kara: I know.


Dylan: I bet you didn’t know that. . . Jimmy Page liked heroin?


Kara: Um. Wait, Lil Wayne and Debbie Harry are on this album too?


Dylan: Weezy just probably blew weed smoke into the microphone.


Kara: To wrap it up, what are we gonna say about the album? I think it’ll be popular in 14-year-old chicks named Heather’s bedrooms. What do you think?

Dylan: (Shrugs.) Um, sounds like their last album. Which sounded like the album before that. Except now, Patrick Stump is fatter and has less hair.