Dear Dr. Date,One…

Dear Dr. Date,
One of my closest girlfriends is married with a child. Her husband and her have an odd relationship. His ultimate fantasy is to be with two women at the same time. My girlfriend is not interested in this, but has given him her blessing for him to find two women to have sex with him. What’s more, she gave him permission to get oral sex from a stripper at his friend’s bachelor party! Her reasoning is, “Well, what’s he going to do? Leave me for a stripper? And if he does, then he’s not worth it anyway.” Am I wrong in thinking that this type of promiscuous behavior is inappropriate and unhealthy? Or am I just too conservative? Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.

— Concerned friend

Your friend has an interesting relationship. Perhaps it is so interesting that you feel you need to get involved in it somehow.Why is it that we sometimes feel the need to intervene in other people’s business? I’ve done it and looking back, I wish I had not. Open marriages aren’t that big of a deal and two people can share their lives together happily while exploring outside sexual relationships. It doesn’t always work, but then monogamous marriages don’t always work. I won’t preach to them about how a monogamous relationship is somehow better than an open marriage.
His behavior is unhealthy in a physical sense if he isn’t practicing safe sex. What you really want to know is if his behavior (and his wife’s) is unhealthy for the soul, mind, ego, self-esteem and all sorts of other intangible things. It probably is, but then what isn’t? TV is bad for the soul, too. So is living your life according to what other people think.
If this woman doesn’t have a problem with her husband sleeping around, maybe she means it. Maybe she’s bored silly and is hoping he will leave her for a stripper. Maybe she’s adopted the indifferent attitude as a way of coping with something that really does hurt her inside. Maybe she feels trapped and thinks she should accept her man’s actions no matter how unconventional they are. What you really can do is be her friend right now and listen to everything she has to say. Let her talk and don’t judge her immediately. Either the her hurt/trapped/bored feelings will come out or you will learn something about another way to live your life happily. In the event this women is unhappy with the current situation, you can offer help. Most likely, she already knows what she needs to do and you can just repeat back to her what she needs to hear.