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Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

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By demonizing pleasure, we set ourselves up for unfulfilling sex lives.
Opinion: Let’s talk about sex
Published March 27, 2024

Bag o’ smack in the face

You make your way to the Dinkydome, wracking your brain to figure out how on earth the Student Book Store could be involved. After all, they’re the best place to sell back your old books. How could they be tangled in a plot that reeks of such corruption?
As you round the corner of the building, you see a white mound laying on the sidewalk in front of the store. You approach hesitantly, as your head is still throbbing from the blow you suffered at Pillsbury.
It’s the bag that smacked you in the face! You’d recognize that imprint of your face anywhere. But what’s inside? You hesitantly pick it up and hold it at arm’s length as you reach your hand in warily, fearing this may be another trap. BOOM!
You jump back, gasping for breath as your heart races. Thank God, it was just the Southeast Steam Plant exploding down by the river. Finally gave up the ghost.
In the bag, you find three books, the covers of which are illuminated by the glow from the 500-foot plume of flame reaching into the heavens behind you. Mmmm, warm. Just like you will be if you find your ticket.
One book is “The Big Book of Rodents.” Hmm, can’t mean much. But you look up just as a Rodent Towing truck slowly rolls by. Coincidence? You try to focus on what the driver is doing, but can only see two glowing, red eyes.
You fish out the second book and find that it is “The Big Coloring Book of Presidents.” Inside the cover someone has written: “To Mark, From Nilsy. Good luck! You’ll need it, you betcha.” Yudof and Hasselmo?
The last volume is “The Big Book of How To Be A Shadowy Figure.” You notice that the book was checked out from Walter Library. Could be a clue there. But you’ve got to make a quick decision.

If you want to go to Rodent Towing to investigate, See FLIGHT OF THE WHITE, SPEEDING CAR page 20

If you want to go to Eastcliff and confront Hasselmo, See DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE page 6
If you want to go to Walter Library, See NON-QUIET TIMES IN THE LIBRARY page 25

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