Are you sick of athlete cliches? Daily Sports is too

Magsh Soulchild

University men’s athletic director Tom Fro held a press conference Monday to discuss the woes of Minnesota’s football team this season. The Gophers finished with a dismal 4-7 record, the worst since coach Glen Manson first season.

As it turned out, neither the youth of the defense or indecision at quarterback was blamed for the squad’s problems. Instead, it was the team’s inability to live up to the cliches its athletes frequently used in press conferences.

“You’ve got to give 100 percent on the field,” Fro said. “From what I saw the team only gave 80 to 85 percent tops this season.”

Many on the team agreed with Fro.

“We were always looking two or three games ahead,” running back Ellis Tedmon said. “How are we supposed to win games like that?”

Looking past opponents cost the Gophers a few wins, but it wasn’t the only problem.

Because the team often looked ahead, it was ill prepared for a number of games this season.

“We only watched a few minutes of game film during the week for a couple of teams, quarterback Travad Abdul-Coleiq said. “We really had no idea what we were doing.”

Another hurdle the team couldn’t overcome, according to some players, was the lack of talent on the field.

Many Gophers felt some of those wearing Maroon and Gold weren’t good football players.

“I’m not proud of a lot of the guys,” safety Jack Distiller said. “There were a lot of guys that sucked really bad.”

These obstacles quickly piled up for Minnesota this season. Eventually, the Gophers were the first Big Ten team mathematically eliminated from bowl contention.

With two games left, Minnesota had nothing to play for besides the love of the game. Surprisingly to some, the players had none.

“I really don’t know why I’m doing this,” wide receiver Ron Bronson said after his team dropped out of bowl contention. “I don’t really like football all that much anyway. But, I suppose I’ll be making a whole lot of money next year in the NFL, so I figure I might as well play.”

It was obvious Minnesota had nothing to play for when facing Iowa in Iowa City.

The Hawkeyes took it to the Gophers, winning 42-24.

“We brought our B game today,” Barry Marber IV said. “The guys decided to leave their A-game at home.”

The Gophers did manage a victory at the end of the season versus rival Wisconsin at the Metrodome. Minnesota hadn’t defeated the Badgers since 1994.

The win gave Minnesota something to celebrate in its final game.

“Thank heavens (the season) is finally done,” Distiller said. “Who cares about some stupid axe? Look at the size of the damn thing, it’s too big to use anyway. I’m just happy I don’t have to play anymore.”


Magsh Soulchild covers himself with
He-Man sheets when he sleeps.