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The Minnesota Daily

Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

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By demonizing pleasure, we set ourselves up for unfulfilling sex lives.
Opinion: Let’s talk about sex
Published March 27, 2024

Acting fast, you ho…

Acting fast, you hop in the truck and hope that no one is looking. You prepare to chase the speeding car, but decide to search the truck first in hopes of finding your ticket.
Slinking down in the seat so no one can see you, you reach for the most obvious hiding spot — the glove compartment. You just hope the towers are as careless about locking up on the inside as they are about locking the outside.
Yep, you’re in luck, and you can’t believe your eyes when you open the compartment and see an envelope suspiciously like the one that holds your beloved ticket. You can grab it take off and make it to the airport within an hour.
You can even leave the truck running outside the terminal, where it will immediately be towed! You chuckle as you think of the supreme irony.
But just then a voice from above emanates throughout the truck and rings in your ears.
“Please enter your user identification number,” says a computerized voice.
In your excitement, you hadn’t even seen the digital security box inside the glove compartment. Now you’ve done it.
With trembling hands you punch in your cash card number and your birth date. Couldn’t hurt, might help. Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, you were wrong.
“Please enter your user identification number,” the voice says again.
Your brother’s birthday, your best friend’s social security number, enter.
“I’m sorry,” says the computerized voice, “that was incorrect. You have been identified as an agent of good. This vehicle will now go up in flames.”
You reach for the door, but it’s locked. Well, at least you’ll be tan.
THE END

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