A&E’s guide to Valentine’s week

Hey babes, this year A&E is your valentine. And we’re going to give you the best week of your life.

Illustration by Jane Borstad.

Jane Borstad

Illustration by Jane Borstad.

by Sophie Vilensky

Roses and chocolates are all well and good, but this Valentine’s Day there has to be something more.

Something more to look forward to than the convenience store clearance section on Feb. 15. Something more than that bad 2010 “Love Actually” rip-off starring Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner as high school sweethearts, “Felicia and Willie.”

This, darlings, is your place to find something more.

If your favorite valentine is yourself and you’re perfectly okay with it:

“Feeling Myself: A Party for Singles and Their Friends”

Flip Phone’s First Avenue theme parties are fabulous, and this one is all about YOU. To quote the event’s Facebook page, “Don’t stay home and watch the Hallmark channel, this is your night to DANCE.” (It’s for singles, yes. But a night of grooving to Beyoncé, Cardi B, Rihanna, Nicki and Lil’ Kim with friends? Go. We won’t tell your s/o.)

When: Feb. 14, 9 p.m. to 2 a.m.
Where: First Avenue, 701 N. 1st Ave., Minneapolis
How much: $10 advance/$12 door

If your valentine is yourself… but next year it would be really nice to buy flowers for someone:

Chairlift Speed Dating

Sticking yourself with a potential partner on a chairlift might be a terrible idea. Or it might be a great story to tell your grandchildren! If the conversation is bad, you can ski away as soon as you reach the top. If it’s good, you can ski away together, down to the lodge for some romantic warming up.

When: Feb. 17, 2 – 6 p.m.
Where: Afton Alps, 6600 Peller Ave. S., Hastings
How much: $30, 21+

If you need a card to go with those flowers:

Bohemian Press Valentine Cards Sale

Last year’s cards included Drake caricatures and nods at “ride or die” (before Kim Kardashian’s Kimoji Hearts did it). This year’s feature potato stamped pink hearts and heart shaped boxes filled with donuts. There are some without hearts too, you’re just going to have to check them out for yourself.

When: Feb. 12-13, 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.
Where: Regis Center for Art, 418 21st Ave. S., Minneapolis
How much: $5 for a card

If you have a lot of lovey feelings that need to find a way out:

SlamMN! Valentine’s Poetry Tournament

Back for the 24th year, here’s everyone’s favorite erotica slam! And while new poets will perform every night, you’re going to have to read Pablo Neruda on your own time. The winner of the three-day competition will be crowned “Erotic Poet Champion of the Year.” The losers may have to find new material.

When: Feb. 14 – 16, 8 p.m.
Where: Kieran’s Irish Pub, 85 6th St. N., Minneapolis on Wednesday and Friday, 824 18th Ave NE., Minneapolis on Thursday
How much: $10

If you’re a fan of love and want to practice it healthily:

Presentation and Q&A with Me Too Movement founder Tarana Burke

A social justice activist and 2017 TIME person of the year, Tarana Burke has spent decades raising awareness of sexual abuse and assault around the world. Put on by the University of Minnesota’s Office of Multicultural Student Engagement and The Aurora Center, Burke’s talk will make your heart ache — and inspire you to help mend others’.

When: Feb. 16, 5:30 – 6:30 p.m.
Where: Coffman Memorial Union, 300 Washington Ave. S.E., Minneapolis
How much: Free

If you can’t stop talking about how much you “hate Valentine’s Day” and “never want to hear another word about it:”

Screen “Double Lover”

It’s French, it’s frisky and —according to the New York Post — it “makes Fifty Shades look wholesome.” Chloe, played by Marine Vacth, starts an affair with her psychiatrist. The worst part of it all should be that she’s the patient, but it’s not. There’s another lover — another psychiatrist. And he’s the first psychiatrist’s twin.

When: Wednesday, February 14, 7 p.m. and 9:40 p.m.
Where: St. Anthony Main Theatre, 115 S.E. Main St., Minneapolis
How much: $6 – $8.50

If this is going to be you and bae’s big night out:

Dessert at Alma

What comes up when you Google “most romantic restaurant Twin Cities?” Alma. And it’s so close to campus! If you’re not in the mood to spend $59 on the prix fixe menu, treat yourself to dessert at the restaurant’s a-little-less-fancy-but-still-fanciful adjoining cafe. It’s worth the cash, and no one really enjoys Insomnia Cookies that much.

Where: Alma, 528 University Ave. S.E., Minneapolis
When: Open daily, 7 a.m. – 9 p.m. (10 p.m. Friday and Saturday)
How much: Desserts $6 – $14

Valentine’s Day Stargazer Snowshoeing

Valentine’s evening under the stars, the moon reflecting on the crisp snow… sounds pretty romantic, doesn’t it? This hike will lead lovers through North Mississippi Regional Park as the instructor tells stories of the constellations. But please don’t forget to tell your beloved that the most important stars are those in their eyes!

When: Wednesday, February 14, 7 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.
Where: Kroening Interpretive Center, 4900 Mississippi Ct., Minneapolis
How much: $5