Application for University men’s basketball coach

 

Board of Regents Chair Linda Cohen was recently quoted about the big money paid to college coaches. In a March 25 Star Tribune article, Cohen said, “I think it’s a national issue. I hope maybe across the country we’ll begin to address it. But I think the athletic director will figure all that out and how they’re going to address it.”

We can start here. With that in mind, I have applied to be the next University of Minnesota men’s basketball coach. My salary would be $40,000, a couple of thousand dollars less than the per capita personal income in Minnesota.

Since I do not have a car, I also requested a bus pass for the winter months.

My suggested contract has a second part. With the money saved on my salary — maybe over a couple of years — the Department of Athletics would endow a chair in the philosophy department. The University’s External Relations has informed me the standard amount is $2 million.

The benefits are obvious: What better way to integrate athletics and academics? Alumni would no doubt have a renewed pride in such a progressive institution and likely increase their contributions both to athletics and academics.

Because the Department of Athletics is paying schools not to play us and coaches not to coach, I indicated I would be willing to negotiate on when the period of paying the money to endow the chair would begin.

Wish me luck. Maybe we can make Cohen’s words prophetic.