Alumni center is now a pile of ashes!

Justa Copchaser

The McNamara Alumni Center University of Minnesota Gateway, or the Gateway alumni center, as the Daily World News calls the waste of space, went up in flames Sunday night.
The University campus was awakened to sky-high flames licking at the $40 million building. The alumni center was completely devastated by the fire, which is believed to have been started by a discarded match from the flaming moe cocktails that were mixed for the Board of Regents meeting Sunday afternoon.
Strangely, only one fire truck responded to the fire at the six-floor, 230,000 square-foot building.
Minnie Singe, the firefighter who fought alone to stop the blaze, shrugged at her defeat. “That damn building was a waste of money, anyway,” she giggled.
Hordes of dorm-dwellers and Dinkytown residents gathered along Oak Street to watch the flames engulf the Death Star look-alike.
“Hey, it beats studying for finals,” said Matt “Fatty” Arbuckle, a former journalism major who had strolled over from the Purple Onion.
Board of Regents Chairwoman Patricia Spence and University President Mark Yudof were among the crowd. They were reported sobbing “like a psycho ex-girlfriend” while watching their favorite new pad go up in flames.
“It took so long to build …” Spence hiccupped. “Now we’ll have to move back to that piece of sh*t room in Morrill Hall.”
Preliminary rumors from the dorm kids are that the building will be leveled and remain a parking lot to help alleviate the parking crunch at the University.
When asked if the building will be rebuilt, Yudof shrugged. “The alumni are going to be pissed,” he sighed. “They’re not going to want to put up another $35 million. And it’s not like the Legislature is going to give us enough money to fix this — although it’s definitely a higher priority than the Art Building.”

Justa Copchaser covers cops and chases and welcomes comments faster than your typical squad car.