Dr. Date: Afraid of risk; Confused; Need a woman; Love sick

>Dr. Date,

I am in a lose-lose situation. I’m falling for my boyfriend’s good friend. We’ve gotten to know each other in the last few months since school started because we have a class together, and he’s an awesome guy.

I can’t help being attracted to him, but I still have this long distance relationship I’m in. I still love my boyfriend, but the time and space is wearing me down.

If me and my guy did split up, I’m not sure if I should ever tell his friend how I feel about him, for fear of ruining THEIR friendship, and fear of rejection from a friend.

So depending on what risks I take, I could lose my boyfriend, or a good friend … or both. Help!

Afraid of risk

Dear Afraid of risk,

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. That’s what I say.

Would you and your boyfriend break up if this other boy wasn’t involved? Is your inquiry because you are losing interest in your boyfriend or because you are gaining interesting in another boy?

I think that your interest in “the friend” is a symptom of your lack of interest in your boyfriend. If your relationship was hot enough to keep the fire burning, you wouldn’t be looking elsewhere for some kindling.

My advice? Dump them both and find someone that really fans your flame. Don’t break up any friendships over your inability to decide between the two of them. You don’t like your boyfriend, but going after his friend won’t solve anything.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Before I left for college, I met a guy from a town near where I used to live. I really got interested in him and talk to him all the time. He is a really great guy and likes me as well. The thing is, he goes to school four hours away from me.

I have a hard time meeting guys because I am not very outgoing. Am I just wasting my time with this guy or will a long-distance relationship work? If I am wasting my time, how do I meet a genuine guy? I mean, one that isn’t into slutty girls and doesn’t get wasted at parties all the time.


Dear Confused,

I think what angers me most about our generation is that we all think we need to get married right out of college. We – unlike our private school counterparts – do not all need to be engaged when we receive our college degrees.

It’s pathetic, and most of these marriages are out of convenience and dependence, rather than actual love. Let’s face it, there is very little real love born in a dorm.

So chill out, you’ll be glad you waited for somebody you really care about rather than someone you’ve just grown dependent on.

If you really like the guy that goes to school far away, have faith that you two will get together in time. If you are just thinking about him because of the lack of eligible University bachelors, have faith that your luck will change when you get out of our warped campus reality.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I’m having a hard time finding that special girl. As a college student, there seems to be only three categories of women here at the U:

1. The attractive, but bitchy, (or stupid) “trophy girls” who are so preoccupied with their Gucci purses and Steve Madden shoes that they can’t even carry on a decent conversation;

2. The intelligent, fun, and charming girls who just can’t help being unattractive or

3. The girls that are cute and fun but oh wait Ö they have a boyfriend. And they’re not breaking up anytime soon.

What’s a guy to do around here besides trying sabotage relationships? Please help.

Need a woman

Dear Need a woman,

Your arguments about women are, in my experience, patently untrue.

The attractive “trophy girls” can carry on decent conversations, if you just show them you care what they actually have to say. They might be obnoxious, but they are generally as well-educated and articulate as the rest of us folks. They’d probably be offended if you said you only dated them ’cause they’re “trophies.” But if you can stand to spend time with them, go for it. “Still waters run deep.”

As far as the other arguments, there are intelligent, charming girls without boyfriends. Most of them are too busy to worry about boys, but if you catch them at the right time, they just might be open to you.

Don’t stereotype and generalize; that’s probably your problem more than anything else.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

It’s like this: About three years ago a very emotional girl fell in love with me, so naturally I loved her back.

But she had to go back to her home country like two days later, and I waited miserably for ten months. We kept in contact with sappy e-mails and letters, but when she got back, it was like she’d forgotten everything.

Later I found out that she’d hooked up with some guy during that time, so I basically gave her the one fingered salute. Still feeling romantic and in need of a more physical relationship, I wanted to move on, and an old friend of mine started looking real good, but when I gave her hints, she said that our friendship was too valuable.

That sucked. Since then, I’ve made peace with my ex. She’s also started modeling as a hobby, dumped her old boyfriend and wants me back.

Part of me says go for it, but the rest of me realizes how it would probably end up being a lot like last time. I can’t decide if I should keep waiting for someone that I just naturally connect with or if I should stop being such a prissy little angel and try to get some from who ever.

Also, whenever I see a girl I like, it feels like there’s 50 cars trying to go through one intersection in my brain at the same time. I think I’m gonna go crazy!

Love sick

Dear Love sick,

You need to analyze this girl’s arguments for why she wants to be with you this time, but not next time.

If she’s going to be leaving the country again soon, I’d say let her go and spend your energy elsewhere. She threw you away the first time; she’ll do it again this time.

But if she’s staying here and is genuinely remorseful about what happened last time, let it slide. Sometimes it takes a real screw-up for people to realize their mistakes.

Dr. Date