Boobs & Booze

Grab your bros and your one-dollar bills, A&E is taking you the bar and then to the strip club and then to another bar

by Carter Haaland

 

The male sex drive is as natural as it is irrepressible. WeâÄôre really just a bunch of chimps that can talk and buy things, right? And oh, how long and lonely the night can be without a warm companion to burn some calories with. 

That stash of Playboys and Penthouses gets redundant all too quickly. Even the vast expanse of Internet porn can eventually leave things soft, sad and unsatisfied.

Thankfully, in America, you donâÄôt have to kill yourself when all your nudie magazine pages are stuck together and your favorite website doesnâÄôt spring things up the way it did when you were 15 âÄî if you have a bunch of one-dollar bills, you can get a real (or fake) pair of ta-tas shoved in your face!

Despite the fact that these exotic dance clubs are potential lifesavers, thereâÄôs still a downside: Many Minneapolis strip clubs donâÄôt serve alcohol. When your own personal Rosie Perez starts to look more like Rosie OâÄôDonnell, where can you go to get some more drinks? A&E did some long and hard investigative work to find the best bars based on their proximity to strip clubs.

 

Stadium Pizza & Bar

207 Washington Ave. N.

 

ItâÄôs a well-known fact that the only way a Green Bay Packer fan can get a girl to take her bra off is by paying for it. Luckily for all you cheeseheads out there, Stadium Pizza, a recently converted Packer bar, is at the nexus of all things exotic dancing. Smooshed between Déjà Vu and Sinners on Washington Avenue, itâÄôs practically motorboating them. This pizza shop/bar hybrid even shares a parking lot with the Choice GentlemenâÄôs Club.

 

Sneaky PeteâÄôs

14 N. 5th St.

 

Near the heart of downtown, this conveniently located bar is cuddled up right next to Dreamgirls. ItâÄôs also right around the corner from Augies Bourbon Street Cabaret. ThatâÄôs two topless options within 100 yards. The place even has a ludicrous 55 HD plasma screen TV. You know what that means: sports and naked women. What else does this world have to offer?

 

Club Jäger

923 Washington Ave. N., Minneapolis

 

This watering hole is just far enough away from the strip club hub to avoid crowd overlap, yet itâÄôs still close enough to walk. An equal distance from Déjà Vu and BJâÄôs, itâÄôs just a straight shot down Washington either way. So if you donâÄôt want to end up drinking a beer with the old guy you heard moaning during his lap dance, itâÄôs a good option.

And for those of you who need your Jenna and your Jameson in the same locale, hereâÄôs a few gentlemenâÄôs clubs with a full bar just a few steps from the pole:

 

Lure Cabaret

725 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis

 

Downtown Cabaret

115 S. 4th St.

 

 22nd Avenue Station

2121 University Ave. N.E., Minneapolis