Net: Frankly, we’r…

Net: Frankly, we’re shocked. NOBODY found the hidden Network object! We didn’t think we could be any more obvious! Well, here’s another clue:

Second floor is nice
For Network object hunting.
Try Meredith’s place!

There it is. Good luck!

From Bluesman: After reading the clue for the placement of the Super Happy Crazy Fun Contest, I realized that there must be more to this clue than meets the eye. Net: You are wise, grasshopper Surely the great Network would not ask anyone to travel out of the East and to the West. Net: Ummm Á maybe you should re-read the clue So then I got to thinking that maybe this so called “clue” was actually a koan to help us all along the path to enlightenment. Net: Oh, you’re one of those Zen kung-fu bastards So I sat down in the best full lotus position I could muster, Net: We like to call that one “The NutBuster” and meditated long and hard on your words. Of course it was hard to meditate on the second line of your well-phrased koan because it is hard not to get into a bind when your legs are cramping up from said position. Anyway, I look forward to future stepping stones from you to help me on my path to enlightenment, Net: Step two: Booze, booze and more booze so that I too may achieve my very own Super Happy Fun Prize and reach the total enlightenment that will lead to being part of the Network entity. Net: Yes, join the collective Now I must go to the gym to see what I can do about the flexibility of my legs so that I am better prepared for the next koan.

From Sundown: I would like to respond to WingMAN‘s letter about the Rec center and their shelves. First of all, they are not shelves you idiot, they are called cubby holes. Net: *Gasp* How could we let such an egregious error print in Network! It is truly a sad day for journalistic integrity And secondly, you said that you didn’t want to get charged an arm and a leg, well if you $0.25 is an arm and a leg, I pity you. You then had the bright idea to suggest that the Rec Center build more “shelves.” You must not be very observant, cause if you were you would have noticed that there is no room for more “shelves.” Net: MDBR Yeah, their really aren’t anymore walls there. Plus, if they were to build more, you would still end up paying for it with your Student Service Fees, you dumbass! I know your type all to well, you are one of those bastards who forget to bring their U-card to the Rec and whine and squeal all of the way home. Net: We always just sugar up the front desk attendant with a little of that Network savoir-faire. Instant Rec access You probably also are one of those idiots who can’t read the sign in the weight room that says, “Keep all bags clear of floor.” And who cares about Wisconsin basketball, you are in Minnesota now, home of the great and all powerful sport of hockey. Net: Yeah, um, great (Denver) and Á powerful Á (Denver) We still have hope, however! Go Gophers! Beat International Team!

From superintendent_Chalmers: Network, I never thought it necessary to write in, but I got a couple things storming through the old dome. First off, 1309 E. Hennepin, the great party house, is actually full of NUTs. I lived by these asses last summer, we were neighbors. Net: Neighbors Á OF LOVE? They are the NUTin’ bitchiest bunch of rich kids I’ve every NUTin’ seen. Those two broads and the dude sittin’ in front of the chick need some slaps. Net: Slaps Á OF LOVE? Seriously. Also, I dunno’ about havin’ sex around campus, but I know about teabaggin around campus. Net: The campus Á OF LOVE? What y’all know about teabaggin? First one to respond correctly gets a NUTslap to the face. And a teabag. Net: Earl Grey? Or Raspberry Zinger? You also need to knock it off with the NUTin’ haikus. I mean, come on, it’s not even novel anymore. So quit tryin’ to be cute and ditch those NUTers. Here’s a good one:

I hate you haiko
you are too hard
to do

From Dr.Datecomeback: So Dr. Date is now gone. Who will I write to about life’s little romantic problems? Net: Write Bizaro, or maybe Duplex Perhaps the Net? I think so. Realizing that the Net are Dr. Date are probably best friends Net: We’re only friends. ONLY FRIENDS. Don’t get any ideas this should be relatively easy. Let’s get to the point. I have been dating this wonderful girl Net: Slut for four months now Net: 48 hours and am having a good time. Net: “SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL” However, this one girl Net: Aging spinster that I used to be interested in Net: i.e. Raked her leaves a while back now wants to out with me. I should also mention that she is 17 Net: Times three and I’m slightly older. Net: 65 I do believe in the statement, “if there is grass on the field play ball.” Net: No, no, no. The statement is: “When the field is played ball upon, one should grow ones grass on the same field, unless it is unfit for grass-growing and fit for ball-playing” The question, should I drop the current and go out with the younger? Net: No, dump both Should I date both at the same time? Net: No, DUMP BOTH. They only wish physical pleasure from you. Just what is the right thing to do? Net: Become a monk, preferably a fighting monk I assume the Net will have wise and intelligent answers to my romantic problems. Net: You do not assume well. Any reader answers to his quandary?

From AngryDrunk aka Son of God: What up Net? Don’t ya hate pants?!? Net: Pants? Yes. Panties? Hell NO! So Net baby Á how you doin’? Where the hell has The fucking Point gone? Net: Oh, you mean the radio station that changes its theme EVERY FEW DAYS? Note to 104.1: PICK A THEME AND STICK WITH IT. Better yet, stop playing music altogether and switch to an all Network station — Nothing but classic Network from the 1980s, 1990s and today! Jesus H Christ … I’m trying to listen to the radio and all I’m getting is crap! Oh, speaking of Jesus, I think it’s time I mentioned this … I’m the son of god. Net: You’re just the son of God? We usually only let full-fledged deities write in Let me tell you, being the son of god definitely has it’s perks … but talking to people is a real pain in the ass sometimes. Everyone is so whiny. Anyway, Dad wants me to give you guys this message for him: “Dude … you’re all going to hell.” Ain’t that a bitch? Now if you’ll excuse me, I just found me a hottie. Net: The keyboard is not a hottie I’ll look for you guys in the no-sex section. Net: We’ll be there Á wait Á HEY!