Dr. Date 7/22/2015

Dr. Date

Dr. Date, I recently broke up with my girlfriend of about eight months, but she still seems to pop up wherever IâÄôm at. I realized shortly after we started seeing each other that she didnâÄôt have that many friends, so she kind of became a constant part of my life pretty quickly. That was a real blessing at first because we were in love with each other, and she had the time and interest in exploring all the different parts of my life. So we got to spend a whole lot of time with each other. But after that initial passion faded, I started to feel like all of my free time was being gobbled up by her need to socialize. One time, she came with me to the dentist. I donâÄôt even think my mom has ever accompanied my dad to the dental office. She just showed up to my house at, like, 8 in the morning without even texting me first. I told her I had to go get my teeth cleaned, and she decided to tag along. That was months ago, and I guess there wasnâÄôt really a straw that broke the camelâÄôs back, but it was a lot of little things âÄî and that she just kept not getting it âÄî that led me to finally break it off. Now, she isnâÄôt coming to hang out at my place, but sheâÄôs still at every social gathering, concert and friendâÄôs house that I go to. IâÄôm not even sure if my buddies enjoy her company all that much. When we broke up, I just said I wasnâÄôt really feeling it anymore. I didnâÄôt get into her social suffocation because I didnâÄôt want to drive the knife in so deep. But now I think that might be the only way to get my life back. Is it, Doc? âÄîMelissa Melissa, OK, so this might sound a little harsh, and I donâÄôt think youâÄôre coming from a mean-spirited place about any of this, but I need to lay down some basic facts of life for you, and thatâÄôs always a rude awakening. Sometimes your friends are going to be friends with people you donâÄôt particularly care for, and obviously you donâÄôt particularly care for this ex-girlfriend of yours anymore. I have a hard time believing that your buds really donâÄôt like hanging out with her. That really doesnâÄôt make sense to me. They canâÄôt just be friends with her out of pity. Really, with that many people being unwelcoming to her, I think sheâÄôd have to be a sitcom character to not take the hint, even considering how you described her. Think about her outside of the context of what your relationship became. What did you enjoy about her when you first met? There had to be something about her that you liked. Or better yet, find what you can still enjoy about her because it sounds like sheâÄôll be sticking around âÄî and thatâÄôs probably OK. This problem, at least from my perspective, is more about you finding a way to accept her than finding a way to eject her from your friend group. If you do that, and I think if you just take a moment and do what I said thereâÄôs a good chance you can, then everyone can be happy âÄî and that doesnâÄôt happen a lot when it comes to breakups. YouâÄôre actually in a pretty OK situation, so just roll with it. âÄîDr. Date