COUNTERPOINT: Who do I have to orally pleasure to get in this damn frat party?

So last Saturday night, I’ve got nothing cooking right? It’s the week before finals, but all my profs had ours early so I really wanted to get drunk. And this dude at the Rec Center says there’s a party at Delt.

Wait hold on Ö this chick with a black sports bra just got off a treadmill, and is heading this way. I gotta check her out Ö OK, I’m back.

Anyway, I figure I may as well try my luck since all my loser friends are studying for finals. I get to Delt at, like, 11:30 p.m. and the line is already longer than a whore’s dream. Some butt-nut frat guy is running the door and telling everyone to move back and they keep pushing into me.

So I finally get to the front of the line and this little skinny-ass punk who probably pays $900 a month to go to parties like this asks me if I’m on the list. I said I’m a Beta, and can I get in? And he’s all like, “Yeah, well who’s your president?” And I’m all like trying to make up a name that’s common and say, “Jason Williams,” and he just cuts me off like I’m not even there and yells, “NEXT!”

So I say, “Dude come on, we’re all guys here looking for hot sluts. Doesn’t that count for something?” And he then proceeds to have me escorted face first onto University Avenue. So I ask you, seriously! Whose rod do I have to slobber to get in a damn frat party?