My homecoming was lame. What’d you do?
-Hungover and hungry
Dear Hungover and hungry,
Homecoming is no time for lameness.
Did you see masses of people walking down frat row? You should have joined a group of people on University Avenue Southeast – they were probably so trashed they wouldn’t have noticed one more person – and crashed a few parties.
Homecoming might seem to some as a day for the parade, football game and alumni breakfast, but in reality, it’s a time for partying.
Next year, I suggest you find a party and have a little fun, even if midterm week runs alongside homecoming.
But in answer to your question, I had a fantastic homecoming. I know, you’re just begging for a Top-10 list of the things I did at homecoming, but I don’t really feel like making one today. So I’ll just summarize my events instead.
Friday night I went to a few bars and met up with some other doctors for an evening of fun – if you weren’t there, you’re lame – ate pizza at 2 a.m., made a few fun phone calls and monkeyed around in the rain for a bit.
I only got two hours of sleep because I woke up to go to the parade Saturday. Did you see me?
After the parade I attended the football game. Those Gophs creamed the Illini. I ate some Burger King (lunch and dinner) and almost hit a cop car. I also passed out on a couch for a few hours at some point in the day, but I can’t really remember when.
I went to a party Saturday night, but I left early and was home by 11:30 p.m. So, you see, I too can be lame. But at least I partied it up most of the time.
Dear Dr. Date,
I have been seeing a guy for about a month a half now, but I have no idea what he’s feeling or where this relationship is going.
On our first date we had a blast and learned that we both share a love of athletics, which made our next dates incredibly simple … football games, baseball playoffs, etc.
When there aren’t any local sporting events we’ll go out to dinner, engage in great conversation and every time, no matter what, he picks up the tab, even to my disapproval.
Yet, in this time I have only received two “goodnight” hugs, no kisses. I’m interested in this guy and I think he is interested in me, but I don’t know and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have to discuss it with him.
I’m just really confused because I get signs that he is interested but then he says he isn’t interested in dating.
So, am I just a “buddy” that he can watch sports with and have on his arm in public without commitment or is he just scared of dating a girl still in school? What is going on? Should I confront him about this, or should I just let it ride a little longer?
-Confused, frustrated, becoming
Dear Confused, frustrated, becoming impatient,
Let me be the first to tell you that you are not alone.
I experienced a similar situation in my last relationship. Back in January I met this great person and we went to hockey games, baseball games, dinner and movies for approximately four months.
But we never got that first kiss started. Hugs were always there, and a little hand-holding, but we never made it to that serious relationship status.
I took that step to confront my other half. It turns out we were destined to be just buddies.
If your guy hasn’t made a move on you, he probably never will. You need to talk to him and clear the air, so to speak.
I highly doubt he is scared to make a move, because if he wanted to, he would have by now.
Voice your concerns to your stud before your relationship goes any further. You don’t have to express your love for him. Instead, bring the subject up casually and ask:
“Are we going to stay like this or are we going to be more?”
And if his answer is “I don’t want a relationship,” then let him know dinners, movies and sporting events are fine, but don’t let him start making moves once you’ve determined that you’re just friends.
Dear Dr Date,
My ex-girlfriend and I had a long and drawn-out break-up this summer, hence the ex. However, we are still friends – I don’t have a lot of terrible things to say about her or anything like that.
She started dating someone this fall, a friend of mine. She felt that she needed to sit down and tell me she was dating my friend, but it was kind of awkward. What was I suppose to say . . . “Congrats, hope you have great sex?”
Is it inappropriate to avoid situations where I know both of them will be present? I don’t feel like I want to ask either of them how the other is doing – should I? Is an ex-girlfriend “required” to let you know when she starts dating another person? Should I be complimented that she went out of her way to tell me? Should an ex-girlfriend have a formal conversation about it, or just let it evolve naturally? Let me know what you think would be the best way to navigate through this situation the next time I see them together.
-Tired and confused
Dear Tired and confused,
My, what a pickle you’ve found yourself in.
I’m a little scared when you say that you’re friends with your ex, but that you feel awkward when talking to her about a new relationship. Do you still have more-than-friendly feelings for her?
What makes your situation all the more complicated is that she is now dating a buddy of yours.
In my opinion, that’s crossing the line. Your buddy should come to you and ask if you’re all right with him starting something up with this girl (bros before hos), not your ex telling you after they already hooked up.
You shouldn’t feel as if you need to help them in their relationship. And you also can’t lose your own social life because you’re scared of bumping into them when you go out.
An ex-girlfriend shouldn’t tell you in an in-depth way when she starts dating someone new. If she cares about you at all, she’ll realize that it might just make you feel worse to know that she’s moved on, especially with a friend of yours.
Stop dwelling on the past and find someone you can crush on daily who will take your mind off this ex. Just make sure you’re over your last relationship before you start something new, because rebounds suck.