IT students shut down in weird Y2K glitch

Dr. Biznatch

Instead of computers, thousands of Institute of Technology students across campus shut down as the last moments of the century passed, falling victim to Y2K’s most nefarious plot yet.
An error in the University’s new registration system allowed for many IT students to go unchecked for Y2K compliance, enabling Y2K to redirect his assault from the computers to the computer users.
“Y’all can keep your fancy-shmancy computers, but let’s see what you do next time you can’t figure out how to send to the color printer!” Y2K said from his secret hideout in the Walter Library stacks.
The effects of Y2K’s surprise attack were felt immediately by University officials.
“Our main concern right now is finding someone who knows how to turn on a computer,” University President Mark Yudof said, noting that unless there was a game of solitaire waiting for him by the time he woke up from nappy time, he was going to layeth the smacketh down.
Almost the entire IT population milled around campus with glazed, distant looks in their eyes, but police chief Gary Busey said it was difficult to estimate the exact number of IT students affected.
Right now, most of these kids look and act exactly like your average College of Liberal Arts student, he said.
PeopleSoft representatives were quick to try their hand at explaining the situation.
This is an unforeseen glitch in the programming that should only affect IT students made before 1981, PeopleSoft representatives said from their secret hideout in the Walter Library stacks, assuring the Board of Regents that it will only take a little bit of time to work it all out.
IT students made after 1981 were manufactured with the newer, more recent “awesome” rating.
“They still suck monkey a$$, don’t get me wrong,” said Institute of Technology Director Stinky Summersausage. “They just kill at computer games more.”
The small group of IT freshmen unaffected by the Y2K problem took to the streets, sensing a sudden crunch on the supply of eligible guys.
“A lot of these CLA girls, especially the ones with English or political science majors, realize that they’re gonna have to get a husband who’s gonna bring home the bacon,” said IT freshman Stew Pantybreath in front of the Mechanical Engineering building, who did not know of any other kinds of meat he could “bring home.”
Pantybreath paused to yell at a passing CLA girl.
“Hey, baby, my shoes are having a party, why don’t you invite your pants down!”
Other University students took advantage of the chaos as well. Carlson School of Management students took to rolling the malfunctioning IT students.
“Their wallets look bigger than they really are,” cautioned Carlson School of Management senior Woodrow Wainwright.
“They’ve got a lot of magic trading cards stuffed in there,” he said.
In a related story, the Y2K problem left campus without anyone who could understand the mathematics behind the millennium’s true date still being a year away.
As a result, students rioted across campus, starting fires, shutting down buildings and initiating the apocalypse.
Radio K program director Mark Wheat also announced that the station will no longer play requests for R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It,” promising that the next person to call up for the song will end up “a bloody fool.”