Dear Dr. Date,This weekend was hell! I have been talking on the phone with this guy from California for about two months.I met him at the Mall of America, and this last weekend he came back to town. He said he wanted to see me again, so I said, “Fine.” He got here Friday afternoon and I saw him at the mall as I did the first time. Everything was going so well, then at the end of the evening he asked me to go to his room to show me a few things from California. I said, “No, but maybe tomorrow.” I called him on Saturday morning to go out, but when I got there he wasn’t ready so I went in his room to get him. Finally he said he was ready, but he looked like shit. Then he came on to me and started to do things I wasn’t ready for, but I went along. Let’s just say we did everything but have sexual intercourse! Then we had lunch and went and saw a movie. I dropped him off at his hotel and he said he would call me that night. He never did. All day Saturday when we were together, he wasn’t the man I knew for two months. He was like a stranger to me. I wanted to talk to him about everything that had happened between us on Sunday, so the next day, I called his hotel. They told me he had checked out at 8 a.m. Sunday. Saturday night he wasn’t feeling well … at least that’s what he said! So we never talked that night. He left without saying a goodbye — what was that all about!? I am so HURT and upset and angry and confused. I don’t know what to make out of this. It’s driving me crazy! Over the phone he sounded so sweet, romantic and caring — everything you want in a man. But what I don’t understand is WHY!? He used me. He played on my feelings. He knew I loved him. He said he loved me! That’s why I even went as far as I did with him Saturday morning. I just wasn’t ready to make love to him. He said he understood, but I guess NOT! Sooooooo, to make this hurtful story short, how can I let go of him? Did he turn away from me because we didn’t have sex?? What should I do now???? Please help me!!! — Hurt and Confused.
I’m sorry this happened to you, sweetheart. This man is known as a lady killer, and he’s not the only one out there. These people are scum — the same type of sucker that date raped my older sister in college. They see sex as the only goal and will do anything to get it, including saying all those sweet, sweet lies. Once they get sex or decide it’s not worth the trouble, they vanish.
Listen, lady killers: You don’t have to tell women lies to sleep with them. Truth works. Be honest about what you want and don’t lead anyone on. What bothers me most is that you seem to get off more from the humiliation you bring to others than from the sex. This is why you will always be my enemy.