Network: NinjaBurgerEmployeeNo138; Graham Greensleeves

>It is clear from her “responce” that ScurvyGirlLovesKickAss is a moron. First off, of course I knew people knew about that website. After all, how stupid would that be if I assumed none of the 13.3 million hits on were also Network readers? Net: Well, how stupid are you? Net was right on with my reference toward the end of my letter. But since she decided to react like a typical pirate-lover and ignore the REAL the issue, here’s my Works Cited entry in MLA format:

Hamburger, Robert. “The Official Ninja Homepage: REAL ULTIMATE POWER!!!!”

22 Oct. 2004

I even used my computer’s cut and paste functions to use excerpts from the website. The nerve! Net: Well, this is a university – sometimes people get sorta pedantic. Like they might point out that the construction “ignore the REAL the issue,” doesn’t make any sense at all. But since we’re talking about technicalities, why did you refer to me as a ‘he’ when you don’t actually know whether I’m male or female? Net: Well, you could be using someone else’s login, but we kinda figured based on your first name that you identified as male. If that ain’t the case, please accept our apologies. Remember, just because the rest of Networkia doesn’t know who you really are, that doesn’t mean we don’t know. Ninjas can be either male or female, which is totally awesome. Ninjas are so great that I once heard of a ninja who fought off an entire fleet of pirates just pounding a riff from his guitar from atop a mountain over and over. Now that’s sweet. Net: Ninjas with guitars? Is that some kind of really oblique Buckaroo Banzai reference?

From Graham Greensleeves

Hey Net, want a little break from the booty plundering pirates? Net: It’s like you read our mind. If so, dig this. Around the U lately, I’ve seen some dudes who are totally punked out with spikes, chains, Code 13 patches on leather jackets, blue mohawks and the like. I’ve got no problem

with the punks in general, but some of these dudes are sporting Bush Cheney 2004 buttons on their rucksacks. Have you seen this NUTT Net? Since the religious right totally deviates from the punk ethos, I was thinking of some explanation to assuage Sid Vicious and Ian Curtis spinning in their respective graves. The first is that these punks hit the last Nader rally, and when they ran out of Nader 2004 buttons the campaign folks just started handing out the Bush pins because it’s basically the same thing. The second explanation somewhat redeems the punks. Since punks are about promoting anarchy and NUTT, perhaps these people believe Bush is the best candidate for them to engender internal disorder. The only other thing I can think of is that we’re all fucking doomed, and I think Ashton Kutcher would agree. Net: If you see another punk with a Code 13 patch and a Bush-Cheney pin, track them down and send us their identifying information. We will make sure they get the boot party they so richly deserve. We go way back with Felix Von Havoc, and we’re pretty sure he wouldn’t have any truck with that kind of ideological deviationism. Anybody who thinks four more years of Bush is going to lead to positive social change is deluding themselves. To quote lesbian folksinger Phranc: “Fascism isn’t anarchy!”