Don’t touch the dancers

Your demented mind seeks the clarity only a strong shot of cheap whiskey can bring. Running toward Hennepin Avenue, you search frantically for a watering hole to quench your thirst. Although the temperature hovers in the mid-30s, you’ve soiled your clothes with sweat. You turn left at the corner and race into your favorite strip joint.
You swagger in, confidence renewed by the familiar smell of spilled beer and cigarette smoke. You saunter up to the runway and sit in your usual seat. AC/DC’s “For Those About To Rock” blares from the jukebox as you order a Jameson’s on the rocks from the greasy-faced bartender. You light a Camel, inhaling deeply with the hope that the nicotine rush will help you marshal your strength.
Your attention shifts to the dancers who strut their stuff on the narrow stage. They thrust their near-naked pelvis’ in your direction, inflaming your lust. In appreciation, you pull out a $5 bill to slip into one of the dancer’s thongs. One nears and you notice what appears to be your airline tickets protruding from the dancer’s taut waistband.
Enraged, you jump on stage, terrifying the dancer and alerting the bouncer, who springs into action. Before you can rip the skimpy thong off and retrieve your tickets, the bouncer clubs you up side the head with a lead pipe.
You feel a dull thud above your left temple, then another and another. Blood flows like wine from your crushed skull and forms a warm, crimson pool beneath your prone and motionless body.
You awaken in the alley, a pack of hungry rats tearing at your face. You struggle to rise and ward off the fanged beasts. Slowly, but surely, your strength fades. You give way to your fate, acknowledging death as a release from your daily struggles.
Your soul rises from your body and you witness a ferocious rodent struggle for what is left of your right thigh. Just as you take solace in your soul’s ascension, the ground beneath you opens in a cataclysm of sound and fury. You hear a ghastly laugh, and fall into the burning bowels of the earth amidst howls of horror and cries of pain.