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The Minnesota Daily

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Network: Broomstick; Mr. Bloodhound; AneedForclarification

>Here’s something the escalator bean counter didn’t think of: common sense. Net: Harsh. An escalator is a six-ton moving machine; they are meant to be ridden and shouldn’t be treated as stairs. Think about this, if you trip and fall on regular stairs, you’re falling onto concrete or maybe plastic covered concrete; you’re not moving, and the people behind you have the option to stop. Now, if you trip and fall on an escalator, you’re falling onto grated metal. Ouch. Not to mention the people behind you don’t have the luxury of stopping and going around you. Escalator steps are also set higher than regular stairs, therefore an increased risk for tripping and injuring yourself is present. Another reason it isn’t good idea to walk (or even run) up or down the escalators deals with wear and tear and cost efficiency. Escalators are built to be stood on, therefore walking and running up or down these machines will only add stress to them causing them to break down more frequently, which will ultimately cost you more in student fees. Now, I know a lot of you are soccer moms and dads in training and want to get a head start on thinking you’re the most important person in the world, therefore everyone should get the hell out of your way. But maybe you should start looking at that fat gut of yours and take the extra 5 seconds to go find a set of stairs and walk up the NUTTing things if you’re in that big of a goddamned hurry. Plus you’re a neener face and your mom’s a poopy head. So there. Net: Something tells us you’re a hoot at cocktail parties.

From Mr. Bloodhound

I can’t get the damn election out of my head. Is anyone else having this problem? As a red-blooded American who loves my country, I am having a hard time swallowing the fact that to so many of my fellow citizens support the Republican death machine. If the Republicans reading this are sick of us Bush-haters continuing on about this topic, you can just NUTT off, because there is no way that the smarter half of the population (i.e. Democrats) is going to sit back and let good ol’ G. Dub trash our country without a fight. Before the election I considered myself to be pretty educated on the issues. I watched each debate and convention, and listened to general political commentary from both parties. On Nov. 2nd, I asked several of my Republican acquaintances how, after all the hype and debate over this election, they could still believe Dubya was the best choice for

our nation. I was stunned by the most common response: “Uh, because of his tax plan.” Were they serious? They were really voting Republican just because Daddy got a few extra bucks back in taxes? Most of them hadn’t watched a debate, and

knew nothing of Kerry’s platform. This leads me to what I am calling The Great GOP Challenge: I challenge any Republican out there to give me one GOOD reason they support Bush. It can’t be a baseless reason either, like moral values (Bush doesn’t even belong to a church congregation, and I really don’t consider cocaine use to be “morally sound”), or that he is protecting our freedom (his Patriot Act has taken away many of our personal freedoms, and the reason terrorists hate us in the first place is because of corporate politics). So there you have it. Let the idiotic responses begin. Net: They never stopped.

From AneedForclarification

Hey EvenondrugsRushisright, you’re a NUTTing moron. Go buy a $5 peanutbutter sandwich from P.B. Loco and choke on it. Net: Harsh Ö and topical! People like you aren’t even worth educating, so please do us all a favor and drop out of school. Surely your mommy and daddy will be able to support you with their 6+ figure salaries (oh wait, your mom probably doesn’t work). P.S. Just so you know, many liberals can and do own SUV’S, mirrors, and well-payed jobs. Net: Can’t get much more plain-spoken than that, can you?

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