Dear Dr. Date,
I am a gay student at the University. I know that I have a lot going for me. I am cute, very intelligent and have a great personality. I am not like the typical gay guy, for I am looking for and hoping to have a monogamous relationship with someone. I have no problem finding dates. I have many people that would love to date me. My problem is this: the few people with whom I feel a connection actually exists turn out not to exist. All of my relationships end with the other person breaking up with me saying they don’t want to hurt me later on. What does this mean? Is it that I have some hidden insecurities buried within me? Or is it that I express too much of a long term and trusting journey? Or is it the fact that I become too emotionally attached to people and care too much for them? The most difficult thing for me to accomplish is finding gay guys who are truly genuine people. Please help me on this one.
— Befuddled

Perhaps all of your suspicions are true. It could also be that you’re missing the obvious. Yes, you probably do have some hidden insecurities — who doesn’t? And yes, you may put people off by talking long term in the short term. And yes! You probably do care too much for people. But something strikes me odd about all of this, and I think it may be your ego. Normally, I have no problem with egos, even big ones. I like it when people are proud of who they are. There can be a problem, however, if that ego of yours is preventing you from letting your dates be human.
You are presenting yourself as nearly perfect while at the same time asserting that all the others are nearly imperfect. I’ve actually dated people such as you and given them the same line “I don’t want to hurt you later on.” It works like this. You present yourself as such a hot commodity only a fool would pass you up. Then you add to that the pressure of a long term relationship. It may sound odd, but this combination can turn people off. Many people, when first dating someone, forecast what life would be like with that person. If they envision a difficult breakup in which you fall apart, gossip or seek revenge, then they may just decide any meantime sex and dating isn’t worth the later trouble.
My advice to you is tone down your ego, take each date for what it is and be a little more patient. In other words, I think you need to be a little more genuine yourself.