Dear Dr. Date,I fe…

Dear Dr. Date,
I feel inclined to respond to your recent column about the woman who found out her bisexual boyfriend has a male friend/lover. I agree with you that it is a myth that all bisexuals are incapable of being monogamous. I also agree with you that her boyfriend was immature. I even agree that the woman has the right to move on if she doesn’t feel she can trust her boyfriend anymore, or if she does not want to be part of a love triangle. But I kinda think that is all there is to it.
While it may be a myth that no bisexual individual is capable of monogamy, there are also bisexuals who choose not to cram their lives into typical, monogamous relationships. And that is neither good nor bad. I, too, am a bisexual man, and I hope, someday, to have two very fulfilling and very sexual relationships in my life. One with a woman and one with a man. And I hope that both of those people will see me for what I am: a committed, careful and loving partner to both of them. It is possible. The question of honesty, is, however, absolutely crucial to a successful polygamous relationship. Funny, I think that is true for any relationship. The real challenge that comes up is that certain clichÇs have to be abandoned in a polygamous partnership: “You are the only one for me,” for example. Instead, we have to settle for something else, “I love you.” I don’t necessarily hope that your advice seeker gets back together with her boyfriend or anything, but I hope she (or anyone else in her situation) can still find some way to communicate with their significant others after the truth comes out. There is probably a lot of confusion for both parties involved. Don’t make it worse than it has to be by being judgmental. As a parting comment, I would like to throw in that it is entirely possible that her boyfriend has been very responsible throughout his explorations with his male lover. It may be that she has nothing to be afraid of. In spite of my hopes and attractions to both men and women (and maybe more than one at once), I am single now. Attractions do not equal action or irresponsibility.
— Single bi-poly guy

Thanks for your letter. Generally speaking, I try to smash as many sexual stereotypes as I can. The prevailing myth about bisexuals is they are insatiable. Some are, most aren’t. Just like straight people. You point out the other problem with this situation. While monogamy is certainly the most common and accepted form of relationship, there are other options that are just as valid. In other words, I think it’s possible to have a loving relationship with two people at the same time. Good luck in your quest.