Dear Dr. Date,
On Saturday I had a date and told my roommate that I would most likely be out well past 1 a.m. at the bars and such. Due to an unexpected problem my plans did not work out and I was home very early. I headed to the bathroom, which is past my roommate’s room and unfortunately happened to glance in. I didn’t see much, but there was another naked guy on top of my roommate. I turned, grabbed my keys and then went wandering around Dinkytown and did not come home till well after 1 a.m. like he expected. There was no sign of the mysterious man.
I am unsure what to do at this point. My roommate has come off to me and most people as straight and with women a lot of the time. I am not homophobic or anything like that. I must confess that I have had thoughts of other men, but I dismissed them quickly. My roommate, however, is very homophobic, and I know that he would not want this to get out. Would it be easier on him if I told him I knew, or should I continue to keep my mouth shut on the subject?
— Roommate

I doubt that this would be easier on him if you bluntly told him what you know. That would only embarrass him. If I catch your drift, you don’t necessarily want to talk about this one instance as much as you’d like to be open about your respective sexualities. That’s great, but it’s obvious he’s cloaking his feelings so he doesn’t have to talk to the people around him.
Ideally, you’d like him to come to you and open up about his sexuality. That way, he’ll feel more comfortable and less defensive. Since confronting him will likely backfire, concentrate on creating a conducive environment. I’m not necessarily suggesting you bring home a bunch of stereotypical gay stuff and see how he reacts. I am suggesting that you express yourself more honestly when you are around him.
As you go throughout your day, you’re presented with hundreds of options. The choices you make determine who you are. The people who observe these choices are then able to form an opinion about who you are. Think carefully about this. You have the opportunity to be a different and better person every time you make a choice. If you don’t want people to think you are gay, the decisions are always the same — predictably hetrosexual. Those who are comfortable with their sexuality can make any choice they want.
When you are with your roommate, think differently. Make the subtle choices that will show your roommate that it s okay to talk to you.